[and he sounds sincere about it. emotions are foreign to swords, but buzen is one of the more well-adjusted of the bunch. he's not afraid to look at what his heart does, even if it may confuse him.]
But... no. It's not something I think I'll feel again. I've lived this long... and been through some of the worst depths of what humanity has to offer, I think...
But even through it all - I never felt hatred. I... think that's what the feeling was.
[ She's not saying she thinks he'll be quick to hate now, especially if it's true he hasn't felt it in all the time he's experienced before. ]
It's a very human emotion, and it makes positive feelings richer. Even if you don't think you'll hate again, it's fine if you do. It's what you do with it that matters.
I don't think it's wrong either. Emotions like that... even if they're hard to handle in the moment, like anguish or terror... They're a part of living. Some things you can't grow past, until you've stared at what haunts you.
[he's trying to think of how he wants to explain it]
... I don't mean to paint myself as a blessed sword, or one only used for ceremony. I've killed plenty, whether in this form or when I was held by another.
But I never really wanted to.
[he's a weapon, a tool - he cuts without bias. it's never been personal.]
So I think what I hate more is having the feeling forced upon me. It wasn't mine.
Hatred and murderous intent are nothing new to me.
[ She thinks it wouldn't be anything too different from what she's experienced. She's more concerned about the library effect of memory wiping than all the other ones. ]
[ She told him to make his own judgments because as time goes on, she knows she's going to make some choices that most people won't agree with. Many responded to Yasusada's joke alibi with a, you shouldn't or some kind of tired reaction, and she laughed instead.
Even if swords don't have morals the way humans do, even if the reasons he cuts as a blade aren't personal, that doesn't mean he can't form personal feelings about the things she does. In some ways, she'd prefer it if he does. ]
[buzen thought that it was a really good excuse but also he's a sword,
as for her question, he shrugs]
Just as back-up for anything you can't handle, I suppose.
[because he does think she's powerful, but there is some confidence that he thinks that he's more equipped in battle than most people here. the exceptions to this are the other swords, hot pants, and garou.]
[he doesn't find estinien intimidating at all i don't know how to explain it. aymeric is friend-shaped
but he'll smile a bit at that - he does like being relied upon, ultimately. it's not like roxana thought about cutting his hand off the other day or anything.]
... do you think that's something that's going to be in question, then? That soon people will stop being able to survive here?
buzen seems thoughtful about that, like he's thinking about something. his gaze turns a little sharper, just for a second, before he sighs and some of the edges smooth out again.]
... right. Humans will do a lot of things pretty rashly.
[ . . . ]
At least we can keep resources pretty plentiful. That should slow things a bit, until we can figure out how to get out.
Right? I can't tell you how relieved I was! I wasn't sure if Verdant and Shale-san could keep feeding everyone at the rate we were going...!
[he's so preoccupied with rations at all times]
I've been thinking about that - with the locations. If we end up getting the hot spring or something, it'd be really sad if it was dangerous... but I wouldn't be surprised if we'd have to clean it up first.
[though there is almost a pout in his voice. please. his hot spring,, he's gotten familiar with showers but it's not ideal,]
And I don't know how doing all this to make the Prism bigger will let us go home...
You Verdants would work yourselves until you expired.
[ She shakes her head. It's terrible how much they care. Do any of them know what a break is?
She laughs a little at the almost pout she hears in his voice. ]
I think the effort we put in over the past few days should be enough to give you a serviceable hot spring from the start. Everything we're doing is an activity to make our stay here better. Longer.
[ When suspicious tunnels don't make things questionable as hell. ]
That's probably true. Everyone else in there really works hard....
[he'll just agree with it.... it's the vibe in verdant to just want to help a lot.]
Even if it's not, I'll put in work to clean it up... Seriously Ro-san, I don't want to be here that long but as long as we are, I'll take a hot spring.
But I'd work about three times as hard if they'd just tell us how to leave.
Mm! [an affirmative nod] Our Citadel has something like that. It's a lot more comfortable, and way more relaxing.
.... I was wondering that too. I asked Shale-san about it... and they said that to them, it feels like normal forgetfulness. I didn't want to press too much but I was thinking... Is it even possible to know what you... don't know? [he tilts his head] Like if they were being tampered with, how could we even get through to them?
We'd have to take them out of what was tampering with them. The tunnel, for you. The Prism, for them.
[ That's her guess. She could be wrong, and it could be irreversible because memories are hard to quantify and qualify, but... that's one possible solution. ]
Maybe the shock will let them remember what once was. Memories are different for everyone.
I heard that from Shale as well, but that doesn't mean it's impossible. There's a first time for everything, and even if we're not the first, you don't need to be first to be successful.
[ She isn't sure how to find out more about the Prism yet either, but... ]
As long as we can take a step, that's a step in a direction.
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You said they were feelings you weren't used to. Is it something you'll feel so quickly again?
But I was more worried if you'd process those emotions or not.
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[and he sounds sincere about it. emotions are foreign to swords, but buzen is one of the more well-adjusted of the bunch. he's not afraid to look at what his heart does, even if it may confuse him.]
But... no. It's not something I think I'll feel again. I've lived this long... and been through some of the worst depths of what humanity has to offer, I think...
But even through it all - I never felt hatred. I... think that's what the feeling was.
no subject
[ She's not saying she thinks he'll be quick to hate now, especially if it's true he hasn't felt it in all the time he's experienced before. ]
It's a very human emotion, and it makes positive feelings richer. Even if you don't think you'll hate again, it's fine if you do. It's what you do with it that matters.
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I don't think it's wrong either. Emotions like that... even if they're hard to handle in the moment, like anguish or terror... They're a part of living. Some things you can't grow past, until you've stared at what haunts you.
[he's trying to think of how he wants to explain it]
... I don't mean to paint myself as a blessed sword, or one only used for ceremony. I've killed plenty, whether in this form or when I was held by another.
But I never really wanted to.
[he's a weapon, a tool - he cuts without bias. it's never been personal.]
So I think what I hate more is having the feeling forced upon me. It wasn't mine.
no subject
[ She closes her eyes because she has enough grace for it and for some reason, she trusts Buzen enough that he won't let her run into anything.
She doesn't know much about the differences in the types of swords, but - ]
I'd hate any feeling forced upon me, too, and I don't like the Prism for making that possible to happen to any of us.
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... but you were going to go anyway, if there was more to be explored.
[which he also understood logically, even if emotionally he felt a certain way about it,]
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Hatred and murderous intent are nothing new to me.
[ She thinks it wouldn't be anything too different from what she's experienced. She's more concerned about the library effect of memory wiping than all the other ones. ]
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... I don't know how I feel about that. Impressed and protective at once, I guess.
[like he wishes it wasn't true, but he's not surprised she can rise above it since it is.]
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Even if swords don't have morals the way humans do, even if the reasons he cuts as a blade aren't personal, that doesn't mean he can't form personal feelings about the things she does. In some ways, she'd prefer it if he does. ]
What would you protect me from?
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as for her question, he shrugs]
Just as back-up for anything you can't handle, I suppose.
[because he does think she's powerful, but there is some confidence that he thinks that he's more equipped in battle than most people here. the exceptions to this are the other swords, hot pants, and garou.]
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I'll continue to count on you.
[ She gently pats his arm with her free hand. She is no where above not accepting aid from anywhere she can get it. ]
This is a place I want to survive.
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but he'll smile a bit at that - he does like being relied upon, ultimately. it's not like roxana thought about cutting his hand off the other day or anything.]
... do you think that's something that's going to be in question, then? That soon people will stop being able to survive here?
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She went from thinking about cutting his hand off, and now she's holding onto his arm and leaning on him a little as they walk. ]
I think in any situation where a number of people are gathered and can't leave, things can get volatile. It's human nature.
[ But it's also more ingrained in her to think the worst of people than the best. ]
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buzen seems thoughtful about that, like he's thinking about something. his gaze turns a little sharper, just for a second, before he sighs and some of the edges smooth out again.]
... right. Humans will do a lot of things pretty rashly.
[ . . . ]
At least we can keep resources pretty plentiful. That should slow things a bit, until we can figure out how to get out.
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It was a boon when the new accommodations came.
[ She'd expect the murder mystery to be more real, if things stayed awful. ]
We'll have to hope no one gets any more affected by prism effects. Who knows what the prism will introduce to us next?
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[he's so preoccupied with rations at all times]
I've been thinking about that - with the locations. If we end up getting the hot spring or something, it'd be really sad if it was dangerous... but I wouldn't be surprised if we'd have to clean it up first.
[though there is almost a pout in his voice. please. his hot spring,, he's gotten familiar with showers but it's not ideal,]
And I don't know how doing all this to make the Prism bigger will let us go home...
no subject
[ She shakes her head. It's terrible how much they care. Do any of them know what a break is?
She laughs a little at the almost pout she hears in his voice. ]
I think the effort we put in over the past few days should be enough to give you a serviceable hot spring from the start. Everything we're doing is an activity to make our stay here better. Longer.
[ When suspicious tunnels don't make things questionable as hell. ]
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[he'll just agree with it.... it's the vibe in verdant to just want to help a lot.]
Even if it's not, I'll put in work to clean it up... Seriously Ro-san, I don't want to be here that long but as long as we are, I'll take a hot spring.
But I'd work about three times as hard if they'd just tell us how to leave.
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[ Is that something common for swords? It's a little strange to think of it that way. ]
I'd do anything to find a way to leave. I have to wonder, if maybe once they did know how to leave, but they don't know anymore.
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.... I was wondering that too. I asked Shale-san about it... and they said that to them, it feels like normal forgetfulness. I didn't want to press too much but I was thinking... Is it even possible to know what you... don't know? [he tilts his head] Like if they were being tampered with, how could we even get through to them?
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[ That's her guess. She could be wrong, and it could be irreversible because memories are hard to quantify and qualify, but... that's one possible solution. ]
Maybe the shock will let them remember what once was. Memories are different for everyone.
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Shale-san that things don't tend to leave the Prism. Which brings us a little bit back to Step One, doesn't it?
[buzen can think about strategy for all of thirty minutes before having no clue what the hell do to next,]
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[ She isn't sure how to find out more about the Prism yet either, but... ]
As long as we can take a step, that's a step in a direction.
[ As opposed to being happy to stay. ]