They're on the other side, Shen-san. They're okay.
[he reminds her first, because he does think it's important. he remembers his own frustration when matsui came out of his own thursday mission, and struggled to comprehend reality. this is the least he can do for nahri and wolfwood on this side.
but it doesn't take away from the emotional weight of what she had to do.]
.... I know you'd never do that to them. You know that too. It was a cruel trick of this place, using unfair rules on you.
I don't... [he runs his tongue behind his teeth, trying to articulate the words right, but they feel hard. sharp.] ... I don't want you to understand Matsu that closely. I love him more than anything—but he's suffering.
matsui and buzen have two very different responses to what they experienced at shimabara. matsui's despair truly only amplified, and he lives in an existence where it feels like he must constantly, consistently atone for what he's done. buzen's response is less catholic, instead falling into a quiet type of acceptance that he is too used to death. that he will be the tool to carry heavy burdens to shield everyone else he loves.
even still, he's doing his best to try to convince both himself and matsui that it's okay to move forward. how can he convince shenhe?
he gives her hands a gentle squeeze.]
... you won't be. This can be washed off. [literally, maybe, but] You might not be able to forget it, but the blood isn't forever.
There's more to life than this. There's singing, and dancing. There's holding onto the people you love. There's your reunion with the people who mean the world to you, and knowing that they will love you no matter what you've done.
It's okay to want it, and wait until you feel like you deserve it again.
[because it's hard to imagine she feels that way now - buzen knows that sometimes he questions it too]
You don't have to hurt anyone anymore - not like that, ever again.
there's still hope in the world, is what he tells her. there are people who love you and there are things that she can still experience. she isn't cut off from everything because of what she did. she doesn't think she's allowed to reach for it right now, but she wants to.
and buzen tells her that that is possible, and she believes him.]
... Alright. [she murmurs, finally, with a shivery little sigh.] Alright.
[ - before he actually goes to do it, rising just enough that he can wrap his arms around her in a loose hold. he doesn't hold on tight this time, waiting for her reaction first, because he doesn't want her to feel restrained. but he will regardless hold onto her, so long as she'll let him.]
I'm stained the same colors as you, Shen-san. [even if he never would've wished this on her, even if he wishes there was a way to take it all back so she'd never have to feel it] So we'll get through this together.
One day at a time... but it'll get easier, I promise. Little by little.
[she allows it - and when he waits, she shifts, resting her head against his shoulder. she just seems worn out, mostly. fuzzy, distant.
but she's not alone, and she'll take that. he knows what she saw. he has been through worse, probably, he's done this countless times, and she's amazed that he's still standing even so. if he can do it, she can.
so... she sighs. and:]
I believe you. [little by little. she'll take the comfort like this for now, and they'll make their way through it.] Thank you, Buzen.
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
no subject
They're on the other side, Shen-san. They're okay.
[he reminds her first, because he does think it's important. he remembers his own frustration when matsui came out of his own thursday mission, and struggled to comprehend reality. this is the least he can do for nahri and wolfwood on this side.
but it doesn't take away from the emotional weight of what she had to do.]
.... I know you'd never do that to them. You know that too. It was a cruel trick of this place, using unfair rules on you.
I don't... [he runs his tongue behind his teeth, trying to articulate the words right, but they feel hard. sharp.] ... I don't want you to understand Matsu that closely. I love him more than anything—but he's suffering.
I don't want either of you to suffer.
no subject
(it still helps to hear it.)
she looks down at their hands. coughs, breath whistling.]
I don't know if I can... if I can avoid it. [she says, finally, voice wavering. and then:] I don't want to be covered in blood.
[it's half her own, and the other half is wolfwood's, nahri's, and she has a very strong stomach but this makes her feel like she wants to be sick.]
no subject
matsui and buzen have two very different responses to what they experienced at shimabara. matsui's despair truly only amplified, and he lives in an existence where it feels like he must constantly, consistently atone for what he's done. buzen's response is less catholic, instead falling into a quiet type of acceptance that he is too used to death. that he will be the tool to carry heavy burdens to shield everyone else he loves.
even still, he's doing his best to try to convince both himself and matsui that it's okay to move forward. how can he convince shenhe?
he gives her hands a gentle squeeze.]
... you won't be. This can be washed off. [literally, maybe, but] You might not be able to forget it, but the blood isn't forever.
There's more to life than this. There's singing, and dancing. There's holding onto the people you love. There's your reunion with the people who mean the world to you, and knowing that they will love you no matter what you've done.
It's okay to want it, and wait until you feel like you deserve it again.
[because it's hard to imagine she feels that way now - buzen knows that sometimes he questions it too]
You don't have to hurt anyone anymore - not like that, ever again.
no subject
there's still hope in the world, is what he tells her. there are people who love you and there are things that she can still experience. she isn't cut off from everything because of what she did. she doesn't think she's allowed to reach for it right now, but she wants to.
and buzen tells her that that is possible, and she believes him.]
... Alright. [she murmurs, finally, with a shivery little sigh.] Alright.
[that will have to be enough, for now.]
no subject
I'm going to hug you.
[ - before he actually goes to do it, rising just enough that he can wrap his arms around her in a loose hold. he doesn't hold on tight this time, waiting for her reaction first, because he doesn't want her to feel restrained. but he will regardless hold onto her, so long as she'll let him.]
I'm stained the same colors as you, Shen-san. [even if he never would've wished this on her, even if he wishes there was a way to take it all back so she'd never have to feel it] So we'll get through this together.
One day at a time... but it'll get easier, I promise. Little by little.
no subject
but she's not alone, and she'll take that. he knows what she saw. he has been through worse, probably, he's done this countless times, and she's amazed that he's still standing even so. if he can do it, she can.
so... she sighs. and:]
I believe you. [little by little. she'll take the comfort like this for now, and they'll make their way through it.] Thank you, Buzen.