[ . . . he looks at the offered hand for a long moment and he just runs a hand through his hair. it's clear he wants to. he doesn't like denying people. he doesn't like leaving them hanging. but—]
If a mission asked me to, I would.
[shenhe knows that so personally now. the extent to which missions have to be followed for swords, and how it destroys buzen to admit that.
i'm scared something's going to ask me too, again.]
[she keeps her hand there, because he did for her. he was patient. she can be too.]
I know. [because he's right - she does know, she knows intimately the consequences of not following through, of disobeying orders. her worldview wasn't big enough for that, before here. she'd never been in charge of making sure anything more than her and her master's wants were fulfilled. even the help she gave the traveler wasn't on the same level. even that was new.
and she knows why he's scared, because of what she experienced.]
I don't have a way to reassure you that nothing will ask you to do that again. [...] But I don't want you to be afraid.
Right now, nothing is going to ask you to hurt me.
the torn expression really wars on his face. he doesn't want to push people away. that's not at the core of who he is, but he feels like he should. for their own well-being. it's so difficult. it's so hard.
he brings his hands up to scrub at his face first, as if that'll help keep his thoughts from muddling.]
... if it does - fight back. Please.
[because he's tired of always being the most dangerous person in the room because no one expects him to be, and then still doling out violence without any repercussions. he's tired of being a weapon.
a moment later, he'll let his hand fall to rest in hers. light, so she can pull back at any moment, but... there.]
... good. Then I can expect at least a few scratches on me, at the very least.
[and he really sounds nothing short of relieved.
he actually doesn't know who would win between the two of them when they're fighting in earnest, and that feels good. it feels less like a massacre and a slaughter. buzen likes fighting, he doesn't like destroying.
but when he's the only one who walked out of that adventure without a single injury to his name, he truly feels like he was leaning toward one more than the other.]
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no subject
[she says, first, moving a little closer. she doesn't touch him, but she drags in a deep breath before offering her hand out to him. just an offer.]
... I would defend myself. [she answers that thought, firmly.] But you have no reason to do that, now.
no subject
If a mission asked me to, I would.
[shenhe knows that so personally now. the extent to which missions have to be followed for swords, and how it destroys buzen to admit that.
i'm scared something's going to ask me too, again.]
no subject
I know. [because he's right - she does know, she knows intimately the consequences of not following through, of disobeying orders. her worldview wasn't big enough for that, before here. she'd never been in charge of making sure anything more than her and her master's wants were fulfilled. even the help she gave the traveler wasn't on the same level. even that was new.
and she knows why he's scared, because of what she experienced.]
I don't have a way to reassure you that nothing will ask you to do that again. [...] But I don't want you to be afraid.
Right now, nothing is going to ask you to hurt me.
no subject
the torn expression really wars on his face. he doesn't want to push people away. that's not at the core of who he is, but he feels like he should. for their own well-being. it's so difficult. it's so hard.
he brings his hands up to scrub at his face first, as if that'll help keep his thoughts from muddling.]
... if it does - fight back. Please.
[because he's tired of always being the most dangerous person in the room because no one expects him to be, and then still doling out violence without any repercussions. he's tired of being a weapon.
a moment later, he'll let his hand fall to rest in hers. light, so she can pull back at any moment, but... there.]
no subject
[and very carefully, when he rests his hand in hers, she links their fingers. she understands not wanting to be a weapon.]
I will fight you with everything that I have. [that, at least, she can promise.]
no subject
[and he really sounds nothing short of relieved.
he actually doesn't know who would win between the two of them when they're fighting in earnest, and that feels good. it feels less like a massacre and a slaughter. buzen likes fighting, he doesn't like destroying.
but when he's the only one who walked out of that adventure without a single injury to his name, he truly feels like he was leaning toward one more than the other.]