[not everyone is on a team with swords who can't keep their fucking mouths shut]
But... they admitted it. They didn't expect to make it. [he glances away and then back] They didn't want to kill anyone, but they weren't given a choice.
Guess so. [a little dryly:] Who knows. Maybe there'll be infighting.
[bdsm is in shambles and it's really funny, but buzen also thinks that given how obviously he and matsui were trying to catch their own damn team today
it's
pretty obvious where they stand on that]
But that's right. I think. The sender wasn't clear, but the threat was real.
For some, sure. That's a roulette in and of itself.
[ aside from the teams being the ticket out of here, there are a lot of people that know each other as well. even if some teams might infight, others might protect their own. it's a whole other angle for them to consider.
me going: yes, yes, yes, yes. ]
...
Probably in case we decide to focus on point gathering rather than taking out other players.
It is. [ . . . but - ] Well, I don't think I'll blame anyone for what they think they have to do. It's a hard choice.
[like
an insanely tough one.]
But that's probably the case. I'm hoping the information gets around - I'm letting that person do most of the talking tonight, but I'll help however I can come tomorrow.
[ it's either you against everyone else, covering for your team. or you have to throw your teammate under the bus and actively work to get them caught. ]
I'll mention it to people as I see them. It won't change what we have to do, but people like explanations behind actions.
[ there's a pause. and then he lifts a hand and taps his knuckles -- like a flick-tap motion, barely enough to hurt, but enough to be notable -- against buzen's forehead. ]
... Worry about yourself a little. Dress it up how you want, but we vote because we don't want the consequences of not voting. That means understanding that, and dealing with the crap we feel afterwards.
And you're not responsible for what the people in your team do. So don't keep yourself up at night over it.
[he'll just look up at that, blinking a little in confusion. he frowns in confusion at the idea of worrying over himself but.... he understands what shu's saying.]
... you're really kind, Shu-san.
[softly, because it feels like it's all he can say when the rest still feels hard to accept. but it still means something. it means a lot.]
Mm, yeah. Have been since the start, but mostly because I hate the idea of only one team winning.
[ me getting him in a headlock. ] If you want to keep the rest of your team safe, you're not going to be able to do that if you're worrying about everyone else you couldn't save along the way.
[ he nods. ]
I told Kaveh it was worth looking for one ages ago. I don't think he'd have dealt well with the idea there wasn't a way out of it for everyone. [ ... ] But now I want to find out if there is one, kinda out of spite.
[he tilts his head at that, looking a little confused]
My team will be fine... but I think that I'm still going to keep worrying. Or maybe not worrying but... I think it's important to keep all of this in my heart. That's the least I can do, as a blade. I want to remember everyone.
[if remembering someone is the only way to cement their existence.]
I think we should keep looking. I've been talking to Nahi-chan and Kaveh-san about it and... I know that it still looks rough, but even if there's seven more weeks or seven more days, I don't want to let go of that hope.
It’s balance. Worry too much, and you’ll be stuck in one place.
[ latching onto a guilt or a grief so hard that you make it hard to keep going is— surprisingly human, considering who he’s talking to about that sort of thing. but it also sucks, and it’s rough to pull back from. ]
Sounds like you have a realistic outlook on it, at least. [ which is good. ]
It all seems pretty set in stone right now. Death and erasure for eight weeks and then one team survives. We don’t even know how points are calculated, so we can’t try to manipulate things so that everyone ends the game with the same score. And that would be hard enough in the first place.
[he smiles faintly - ] I like to think that I've figured out a decent balance... but I've only been around for a few years, so who knows? The heart is a difficult thing to figure out.
[there's always so much going on about it. but regardless he'll tilt his head at the thought of this long-term strategy....]
Right... and it'd be hard if there's that much to consider. Though I guess I can't expect it to be easy. Do we know what happens if... there's no winner? No team left standing?
Yeah, there are people on their death beds who don’t know what’s going on with that thing. The simplest thing is just thinking about if what it’s telling you to do is going to hurt you or others, and then deciding if you think it’s worth it.
[ … ]
That’s probably a question for the reapers themselves. If we were in a situation where two teams were left, one killed the other and was caught, then probably not. But you’d have to assume at that point the team with more people on trial day would coordinate voting, so…
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Ah. So there's no limitation on discussing what happened with your team. Interesting. And potentially a pain.
[ .... ]
Did they tell you directly, or did you figure it out?
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[not everyone is on a team with swords who can't keep their fucking mouths shut]
But... they admitted it. They didn't expect to make it. [he glances away and then back] They didn't want to kill anyone, but they weren't given a choice.
Everything else is for them to say.
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[ there's no judgement in it. it's a logical choice to make. ]
Mm. I'm not asking, don't worry. I'll know tomorrow. [ ... ] What do you mean they "weren't given a choice"?
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[but he'll just sigh at that]
... there was a phone call. A "you kill someone or you'll be killed" call.
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[ but… yeah. complicated. collaborations make everything harder. ]
…
[ ah. ]
From the people in charge of this place?
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[bdsm is in shambles and it's really funny, but buzen also thinks that given how obviously he and matsui were trying to catch their own damn team today
it's
pretty obvious where they stand on that]
But that's right. I think. The sender wasn't clear, but the threat was real.
no subject
[ aside from the teams being the ticket out of here, there are a lot of people that know each other as well. even if some teams might infight, others might protect their own. it's a whole other angle for them to consider.
me going: yes, yes, yes, yes. ]
...
Probably in case we decide to focus on point gathering rather than taking out other players.
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[like
an insanely tough one.]
But that's probably the case. I'm hoping the information gets around - I'm letting that person do most of the talking tonight, but I'll help however I can come tomorrow.
[once the erasure happens]
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[ it's either you against everyone else, covering for your team. or you have to throw your teammate under the bus and actively work to get them caught. ]
I'll mention it to people as I see them. It won't change what we have to do, but people like explanations behind actions.
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[even if it's eating at him, a bit]
Mm. It's better than thinking every week that someone acted purely out of malice and desperation - at least until we figure out a way to break it.
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... Worry about yourself a little. Dress it up how you want, but we vote because we don't want the consequences of not voting. That means understanding that, and dealing with the crap we feel afterwards.
And you're not responsible for what the people in your team do. So don't keep yourself up at night over it.
[ it sucks!!! but it's happened. ]
Looking for loopholes?
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... you're really kind, Shu-san.
[softly, because it feels like it's all he can say when the rest still feels hard to accept. but it still means something. it means a lot.]
Mm, yeah. Have been since the start, but mostly because I hate the idea of only one team winning.
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[ me getting him in a headlock. ] If you want to keep the rest of your team safe, you're not going to be able to do that if you're worrying about everyone else you couldn't save along the way.
[ he nods. ]
I told Kaveh it was worth looking for one ages ago. I don't think he'd have dealt well with the idea there wasn't a way out of it for everyone. [ ... ] But now I want to find out if there is one, kinda out of spite.
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My team will be fine... but I think that I'm still going to keep worrying. Or maybe not worrying but... I think it's important to keep all of this in my heart. That's the least I can do, as a blade. I want to remember everyone.
[if remembering someone is the only way to cement their existence.]
I think we should keep looking. I've been talking to Nahi-chan and Kaveh-san about it and... I know that it still looks rough, but even if there's seven more weeks or seven more days, I don't want to let go of that hope.
no subject
[ latching onto a guilt or a grief so hard that you make it hard to keep going is— surprisingly human, considering who he’s talking to about that sort of thing. but it also sucks, and it’s rough to pull back from. ]
Sounds like you have a realistic outlook on it, at least. [ which is good. ]
It all seems pretty set in stone right now. Death and erasure for eight weeks and then one team survives. We don’t even know how points are calculated, so we can’t try to manipulate things so that everyone ends the game with the same score. And that would be hard enough in the first place.
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[there's always so much going on about it. but regardless he'll tilt his head at the thought of this long-term strategy....]
Right... and it'd be hard if there's that much to consider. Though I guess I can't expect it to be easy. Do we know what happens if... there's no winner? No team left standing?
no subject
[ … ]
That’s probably a question for the reapers themselves. If we were in a situation where two teams were left, one killed the other and was caught, then probably not. But you’d have to assume at that point the team with more people on trial day would coordinate voting, so…