['It gets a little lonely waiting'. Something about that strikes a chord in Atsushi.]
I'm sorry for making you wait. It's...kind of a long story, and not a happy one either. But the short version is that I got so used to having to take care of myself and prove my own worth that sometimes it's hard to accept help from others.
... you don't need to apologize. I'm being a little bit of a brat. I've lived a long time - I can wait a little longer. [he means it good naturedly enough, a little smile on his face]
It's really not my style to make people talk about things that they don't want to.
I just want you to know that whenever you do want to say something... I'll be here. I don't want you to have to carry on alone - I'd feel better if you let me be at your side, even if you don't trust me with everything.
[Atsushi lets out a quiet 'pfffft' as he thunks his forehead down against Buzen's shoulder. The benefit to being carried is that he doesn't have to look someone in the eyes when they're saying something embarrassing!]
It's not selfish at all. It's very kind of you.
[He means it too. Not many would take on the burdens of others, and Atsushi is sure that Buzen is helping others as well too. It's admirable of him, to be that strong. It's a kind of strength Atsushi wants to have some day too.]
...I spent all of my life- as much of it that I can remember at least- being told that I was worthless. That it was my fault that I was abandoned by my parents. That I didn't deserve kindness from others. That it was better if I just died already and got it over with. So I'm still getting used to the idea that people actually want me around.
[though he says it lightly, teasing. buzen can do jokes too,
still, he's quiet when atsushi explains. he's not startled or shocked - he knows the ways in which humanity can be so truly cruel and awful - but it still sits poorly with him. it is not something he is fond of considering.]
.... then even if I'm just one voice - I'll say it as much as you need. I want you around. I'm glad you're here, and alive, and that I got a chance to meet you.
You have worth just by being you, Atsu-san. I feel like I'm lucky to have had the chance to get to know you.
[He does sound a lot happier though. Especially after those reaffirming words. He always tries to go it alone and act strong, only to find out that he actually does like it when people are kind to him.]
I'm glad I got the chance to meet you too, Buzen-san. You're a really special person, you know that?
[He means it too. Reaching out like this isn't easy, and yet Buzen does it so effortlessly.]
Maybe it's because I'm barely a person. [though he means it jokingly - he knows how atsushi gets about when others get self-deprecating. buzen doesn't mean it like that] In the sense that I'm more spirit, I mean.
[he just doesn't consider himself human in any traditional sense]
[Debating on if he's cranky enough to name all the names...]
Well...Kazuma-san was very rude at trial and said and did some hurtful things for stupid reasons. Especially since he knew he was the killer all along and his actions just hurt people pointlessly. It might be because of the influence on him, but he was pretty rude during the party games too.
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
no subject
[of course the answer is yes.
buzen will just laugh a little bit at that]
We do make a good team - and I'm glad you're relying on me a bit more. I'm patient, you know... but sometimes it gets a little lonely waiting.
But... thank you - for trusting me too.
no subject
I'm sorry for making you wait. It's...kind of a long story, and not a happy one either. But the short version is that I got so used to having to take care of myself and prove my own worth that sometimes it's hard to accept help from others.
no subject
... you don't need to apologize. I'm being a little bit of a brat. I've lived a long time - I can wait a little longer. [he means it good naturedly enough, a little smile on his face]
It's really not my style to make people talk about things that they don't want to.
I just want you to know that whenever you do want to say something... I'll be here. I don't want you to have to carry on alone - I'd feel better if you let me be at your side, even if you don't trust me with everything.
That'd be be my selfish request.
cw: past child abuse
It's not selfish at all. It's very kind of you.
[He means it too. Not many would take on the burdens of others, and Atsushi is sure that Buzen is helping others as well too. It's admirable of him, to be that strong. It's a kind of strength Atsushi wants to have some day too.]
...I spent all of my life- as much of it that I can remember at least- being told that I was worthless. That it was my fault that I was abandoned by my parents. That I didn't deserve kindness from others. That it was better if I just died already and got it over with. So I'm still getting used to the idea that people actually want me around.
no subject
[though he says it lightly, teasing. buzen can do jokes too,
still, he's quiet when atsushi explains. he's not startled or shocked - he knows the ways in which humanity can be so truly cruel and awful - but it still sits poorly with him. it is not something he is fond of considering.]
.... then even if I'm just one voice - I'll say it as much as you need. I want you around. I'm glad you're here, and alive, and that I got a chance to meet you.
You have worth just by being you, Atsu-san. I feel like I'm lucky to have had the chance to get to know you.
no subject
[He does sound a lot happier though. Especially after those reaffirming words. He always tries to go it alone and act strong, only to find out that he actually does like it when people are kind to him.]
I'm glad I got the chance to meet you too, Buzen-san. You're a really special person, you know that?
[He means it too. Reaching out like this isn't easy, and yet Buzen does it so effortlessly.]
no subject
[he just doesn't consider himself human in any traditional sense]
But if I can help you out, then I'm glad.
no subject
Even as a spirit, you have a big heart.
no subject
I think it's average-sized? The form is still human, after all...
no subject
It's a saying! It means you're very kind.
no subject
[that makes him laugh too]
Hmm... Maybe. I think most people here are pretty kind, though.
no subject
[Something something he's still salty about Garou.]
no subject
[
he can't think of anyone]
no subject
Well...Kazuma-san was very rude at trial and said and did some hurtful things for stupid reasons. Especially since he knew he was the killer all along and his actions just hurt people pointlessly. It might be because of the influence on him, but he was pretty rude during the party games too.
no subject
[buzen nods]
Yeah. I guess so. But for an average human, he's not bad. Just kinda brusque...
no subject
[Just. Pointing that out.]
Plus he went too far with checking our bodies. He cut clothes off of people.
no subject
no subject
no subject
Well, to me, this body is just... a body. I don't really care who sees it...
no subject
[He's trying to think of a comparison to help buzen understand.]
For humans, it's more like...oh! If your sword drops on the ground in front of everyone.
no subject
no subject