[ she doesn't hold much resentment towards clarte, funnily enough. that they would choose to kill her and live instead is fine, in its own separate way, when she has seen and heard so much of their self-sacrifice. of course, she'd prefer it if she lived, but when there are so many similarities between them...
it makes it a bit more complicated for her.
she knows the difference between a battle and a war, but dying takes her back to when she's most vulnerable. she's not a fortress that can't break, but she's also someone who can't wallow for long in front of someone. ]
I'll take that and hold onto it.
[ this secret, his words, all of it.
how it takes dying to make her accept his words 30% more easily. ]
I'll get back up in a moment.
[ she just needs to take a small nap and sleep off some of her edgy existentialism. ]
[he's not really in a rush? he wonders if it'd make her more comfortable for him to move away or watch the door, but he figures she'll say something...]
I'm here for you as long as you want me - and you can send me away when you want, too. But it won't change that I'd rather be here with you than not.
[he's already checked on meteion by now - and if his daughter's settled and marie is eating applebee's, he's pretty sure there's no one else that could immediately ask for his attention.
[ Touch is complicated for Roxana. She uses it as a weapon in more ways that one, but it also makes her a little touch-starved. ]
You can stay, if that's what you want.
[ She's too tired to put up all the walls she usually has, too tired to ignore his feelings, too tired to not use them make her feel better, too tired to ignore her own feelings, just tired. ]
If there is an escape, I can't take that long. But I'll take this moment with you.
[rather plainly - buzen really isn't the type to second-guess his feelings, he's just been learning a little bit more about what it means to personally wish for something. so he'll squeeze her hand once before finally letting go, only so that he can more comfortably hold her in his arms. if she's tired, then he'll be here for her to rest against.]
Neither of us are really the type to give up, Ro-san. Didn't I say we'd claw our way out of hell together? I don't know if this is that...
[this is the most buzen has thought all day. but mostly he just wonders if it's the right time to say something about it? he does tend to err on the side of leaving things be but....
he just shakes his head slightly, not enough to dislodge her hand, and laughs quietly to himself.]
We don't have to talk about it - if you're tired, then I'd rather you rest.
I just wanted to make sure you knew I meant what I said then, too.
[If I could have chosen my own master, it would have been you.]
[ As far as she knows, without his aruji, he can't be here in this form. Does he have the option to choose his own master? The sentiment is sweet, but she doesn't know how far it goes with him.
[why is she so touchy this is me, dana, asking. either way, his heartbeat is calm and steady because buzen is ultimately always the one who's calm and steady.
he tilts his head so he can face her directly.]
Mm, okay. If I could have the chance to choose my own master, I would want you.
It's complicated, because other swords have their masters who chose them. Or Aruji who summoned all of us, and needs us for the mission. I don't mind that, and I know that it's pretty common for objects to be claimed. I accept that there's not much I get to choose for myself.
But if I get to make my own choices in this form, and pick what gets to be part of my history and proof that I exist... I want to be yours to use in wartime, until you find peace.
So it's true I want to get back to Suki, and my Gous, and Aruji. But I'm not in a rush to leave you either.
[ because she's being a little manipulative right now. that's the honest answer. selfish and manipulative.
anyway, that's sweet. she meets his gaze head on. it's not like she doesn't understand. ultimately, there isn't much she can choose for herself that she likes in the way her household works. she is her father's tool until she does something to change that.
it's not like she doesn't understand the implications, but she knows about his relationship with itsuki, and she is almost certain that buzen doesn't quite grasp what this means.
her smile is soft and sweet. ]
I would not mind you being mine, to use as I want.
[ if he is willing to accept her at her worst, she won't hesitate to say that she will use whoever and whatever she can. ]
But if this is a choice you have made and if this is a choice you want, I'll grant you it. Until we return and escape, I will be your master.
[roxana being manipulative through touch is still so funny because buzen isn't thinking anything of it aside from 'if she needs to reach out to someone, i'm fine with it.' in truth... there isn't much in this conversation that he feels manipulated about to begin with.
it's something that he realized for himself a while ago, after all. isn't roxana just agreeing to it now?]
.... well, yours to a degree.
[he'd already promised all of himself to someone else, so the wording snags ever sos lightly. buzen feels like there's a distinct difference in agreeing to be itsuki's lover, and wanting roxana to be his master. but he also knows it would be wrong to suggest that he isn't already claimed in another sense.
itsuki is his partner and holds a piece of his heart that is arguably the most human thing about him.
it's just the part of him that is so absolutely a weapon, forged from steel and meant for warfare, knows that roxana would put him to use.
perhaps it's a thing only a lost blade could really wish for.]
But this is a choice I'd make, and want. Unless you want to tell me again that I still don't know you, Ro-san?
[ most of her touches are manipulative to some degree. almost every headpat she's given sweet anmitsu, most times she's reached out to chinatsu, etc. she's bad, okay.
She laughs a little. She thinks it's good Buzen is loyal. This is why she's so Verdant (derogatory) (affectionate). ]
I already know your relationship with Itsuki, but... no, I'll let you sort this out with him.
[ She really isn't here to homewreck. Mostly. It's only she will take advantage of whatever Buzen offers her, and he offers himself to everyone. She doesn't mind agreeing with what he wants, and she's selfish. She's at her worst when she's vulnerable. She's at her worst when she isn't either. ]
I don't know, Buzen. What do you think? What do you think you know about me?
[tilting his head, wondering how that sentence ended. what does he have to sort out with suki...
but he hums thoughtfully at the question.]
.... I think I know you well enough - I don't need to know everything about you in order to decide that you're a human I want to follow, for as long as we have together. I still think you're powerful, and decisive. Intelligent, capable, and... a lot kinder than you let on. Or maybe you're like me, and you wonder if kindness counts for much when there are things you'll do regardless that can be considered cruel.
You still hide a lot, Ro-san. [ . . . ] I don't really mind. I just don't want you to feel lonely, or like you can't trust me.
[ She pats him on the shoulder. It's kindness that she said anything at all. Kindness to Itsuki because he's apparently a little yan. ]
Kindness matters when the intention matches the actions. [ And while Roxana does care, can't help but eventually care because she's only human at the end of the day, she does do things regardless even though they are cruel. ] I wouldn't call myself kind, but thank you.
I do trust you. [ As much as she can trust anyone. Loneliness isn't much of a factor for her, not at this point of her life. ] I'll use you, for as long as we're here, because you're one of the few who understand that there are things I do, no matter how it comes across to others.
[buzen huffs a bit in amusement at that - he wouldn't call himself kind either, but there's been a lot of words given to him here that he doesn't truly think he deserves. kind, sweet, safe. they don't really match being a sword, no matter how he acts now that he has this body.
but he seems thoughtful at her words regardless.]
.... alright. Then I'll be glad, if you continue to rely on me.
Thank you - for agreeing to be my master.
[for agreeing to be a part of buzen's own chosen, woven history]
she's been called kind multiple times here, and each time she's responded thank you for thinking so because she does want people to think she is even if she doesn't think she is. this is maybe why people think she refracted, and that's fine. ]
There's not a lot of choice afforded to you or I, so if this is something I can grant, I will.
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
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it makes it a bit more complicated for her.
she knows the difference between a battle and a war, but dying takes her back to when she's most vulnerable. she's not a fortress that can't break, but she's also someone who can't wallow for long in front of someone. ]
I'll take that and hold onto it.
[ this secret, his words, all of it.
how it takes dying to make her accept his words 30% more easily. ]
I'll get back up in a moment.
[ she just needs to take a small nap and sleep off some of her edgy existentialism. ]
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[he's not really in a rush? he wonders if it'd make her more comfortable for him to move away or watch the door, but he figures she'll say something...]
I'm here for you as long as you want me - and you can send me away when you want, too. But it won't change that I'd rather be here with you than not.
[he's already checked on meteion by now - and if his daughter's settled and marie is eating applebee's, he's pretty sure there's no one else that could immediately ask for his attention.
so here he is.]
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You can stay, if that's what you want.
[ She's too tired to put up all the walls she usually has, too tired to ignore his feelings, too tired to not use them make her feel better, too tired to ignore her own feelings, just tired. ]
If there is an escape, I can't take that long. But I'll take this moment with you.
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[rather plainly - buzen really isn't the type to second-guess his feelings, he's just been learning a little bit more about what it means to personally wish for something. so he'll squeeze her hand once before finally letting go, only so that he can more comfortably hold her in his arms. if she's tired, then he'll be here for her to rest against.]
Neither of us are really the type to give up, Ro-san. Didn't I say we'd claw our way out of hell together? I don't know if this is that...
But the sentiment remains the same.
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It's its own sort of hell even if it isn't the hell I meant.
[ She lifts the hand he let go of to cup his cheek. ]
We'll claw our way out, and you can return to Itsuki and your Gous and your master.
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Mm, we will.
[though now that he thinks about it he's pretty sure he sent her a text right before he died.... hmm....]
Ro-san, you got my message on the night I broke, right?
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I did. Why?
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[this is the most buzen has thought all day. but mostly he just wonders if it's the right time to say something about it? he does tend to err on the side of leaving things be but....
he just shakes his head slightly, not enough to dislodge her hand, and laughs quietly to himself.]
We don't have to talk about it - if you're tired, then I'd rather you rest.
I just wanted to make sure you knew I meant what I said then, too.
[If I could have chosen my own master, it would have been you.]
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Why don't you tell me?
[ As far as she knows, without his aruji, he can't be here in this form. Does he have the option to choose his own master? The sentiment is sweet, but she doesn't know how far it goes with him.
Even if she does have a pretty solid idea. ]
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he tilts his head so he can face her directly.]
Mm, okay. If I could have the chance to choose my own master, I would want you.
It's complicated, because other swords have their masters who chose them. Or Aruji who summoned all of us, and needs us for the mission. I don't mind that, and I know that it's pretty common for objects to be claimed. I accept that there's not much I get to choose for myself.
But if I get to make my own choices in this form, and pick what gets to be part of my history and proof that I exist... I want to be yours to use in wartime, until you find peace.
So it's true I want to get back to Suki, and my Gous, and Aruji. But I'm not in a rush to leave you either.
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anyway, that's sweet. she meets his gaze head on. it's not like she doesn't understand. ultimately, there isn't much she can choose for herself that she likes in the way her household works. she is her father's tool until she does something to change that.
it's not like she doesn't understand the implications, but she knows about his relationship with itsuki, and she is almost certain that buzen doesn't quite grasp what this means.
her smile is soft and sweet. ]
I would not mind you being mine, to use as I want.
[ if he is willing to accept her at her worst, she won't hesitate to say that she will use whoever and whatever she can. ]
But if this is a choice you have made and if this is a choice you want, I'll grant you it. Until we return and escape, I will be your master.
[ she is the fucking worst. ]
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it's something that he realized for himself a while ago, after all. isn't roxana just agreeing to it now?]
.... well, yours to a degree.
[he'd already promised all of himself to someone else, so the wording snags ever sos lightly. buzen feels like there's a distinct difference in agreeing to be itsuki's lover, and wanting roxana to be his master. but he also knows it would be wrong to suggest that he isn't already claimed in another sense.
itsuki is his partner and holds a piece of his heart that is arguably the most human thing about him.
it's just the part of him that is so absolutely a weapon, forged from steel and meant for warfare, knows that roxana would put him to use.
perhaps it's a thing only a lost blade could really wish for.]
But this is a choice I'd make, and want. Unless you want to tell me again that I still don't know you, Ro-san?
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She laughs a little. She thinks it's good Buzen is loyal. This is why she's so Verdant (derogatory) (affectionate). ]
I already know your relationship with Itsuki, but... no, I'll let you sort this out with him.
[ She really isn't here to homewreck. Mostly. It's only she will take advantage of whatever Buzen offers her, and he offers himself to everyone. She doesn't mind agreeing with what he wants, and she's selfish. She's at her worst when she's vulnerable. She's at her worst when she isn't either. ]
I don't know, Buzen. What do you think? What do you think you know about me?
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But...?
[tilting his head, wondering how that sentence ended. what does he have to sort out with suki...
but he hums thoughtfully at the question.]
.... I think I know you well enough - I don't need to know everything about you in order to decide that you're a human I want to follow, for as long as we have together. I still think you're powerful, and decisive. Intelligent, capable, and... a lot kinder than you let on. Or maybe you're like me, and you wonder if kindness counts for much when there are things you'll do regardless that can be considered cruel.
You still hide a lot, Ro-san. [ . . . ] I don't really mind. I just don't want you to feel lonely, or like you can't trust me.
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Kindness matters when the intention matches the actions. [ And while Roxana does care, can't help but eventually care because she's only human at the end of the day, she does do things regardless even though they are cruel. ] I wouldn't call myself kind, but thank you.
I do trust you. [ As much as she can trust anyone. Loneliness isn't much of a factor for her, not at this point of her life. ] I'll use you, for as long as we're here, because you're one of the few who understand that there are things I do, no matter how it comes across to others.
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but he seems thoughtful at her words regardless.]
.... alright. Then I'll be glad, if you continue to rely on me.
Thank you - for agreeing to be my master.
[for agreeing to be a part of buzen's own chosen, woven history]
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she's been called kind multiple times here, and each time she's responded thank you for thinking so because she does want people to think she is even if she doesn't think she is. this is maybe why people think she refracted, and that's fine. ]
There's not a lot of choice afforded to you or I, so if this is something I can grant, I will.