[ Well, perhaps part of the reason she doesn't always believe Buzen when he says all of those sweeping things with her is because she knows she's disingenuous and if people like the person she presents, that's what she wants, but that's not exactly her.
He's not worried, but she has thoughts. ]
It's not the secretive part I'm that worried about, but you cheated a little. I'll talk with them.
I've seen lies that have pissed me off, and lies that I found frustrating but ultimately thought they were the best call that could've been made at the time. I've told lies I'm not proud of, but still wouldn't take back.
Anyone can lie to me - but depending on why, that'll decide whether or not I get mad.
[ah... he wonders if he feels a little closer to the truth now? but he'll just settle for letting his hand reach out for hers, palm up.]
I've chosen you, Ro-san - but I guess I never really explained why.
It's not just because you're smart or powerful, even though I think those are important parts to being you. But it's because you were the first to ask me what I want, and what I could wish for. You told me that wanting to exist is enough, and that I could be more than my history - or lack thereof. I think you are kind... or at the very least, affirming of people's right to be who they are.
... and it's because I know that you intend to walk straight into hell for the sake of your own survival. I'm not chasing after you dreaming of peace. I know that there will be blood. I don't just expect you to put me to use - I hope you will. Not because I want to hurt anyone, but because I'd like you to have someone to believe in outside of your own power.
So if you believe in me... that makes me happy. [he smiles a little] Even if it sets you a little at ease, or feels strange. I can't say sorry, though.
If I can be selfish about this - I want you to believe me even more.
[ She's about to swallow a whole flower. She almost wants to cough up blood for once. She takes a breath. Her survival instincts are kicking into gear, and this means while she isn't suppressing her emotions (because she isn't really sure what she's feeling), her face goes a little blank as she sorts through this. ]
There is little peace to be had with me, blood or no blood.
[ It takes a moment, but she puts her hand in his. ]
I wonder who the bigger fool is between us. You, for choosing me, or me, for accepting your words.
[ And even if her voice sound a bit foreign to her own ears in this moment, she does believe him. ]
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
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He's not worried, but she has thoughts. ]
It's not the secretive part I'm that worried about, but you cheated a little. I'll talk with them.
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That's good! But...
I cheated...?
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... which time...?
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she knocks back her wine like a shot. ]
Don't accept that so easily.
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Why not? Everyone lies.
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[ Maybe it's a little of a good thing Itsuki is arriving tomorrow. ]
Every time.
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I've seen lies that have pissed me off, and lies that I found frustrating but ultimately thought they were the best call that could've been made at the time. I've told lies I'm not proud of, but still wouldn't take back.
Anyone can lie to me - but depending on why, that'll decide whether or not I get mad.
So what do you mean, every time?
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I already told you I'm dishonest.
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You are.
[ . . . he tilts his head]
Are you telling me that I don't actually know anything about you, Ro-san?
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Not to that point. It gets tiring to lie so much.
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... then what am I still missing?
And... how can I get you to trust me with it, so I can support you?
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It's all right, Buzen. You aren't missing anything. You don't need to do anything more. I promise.
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... you're still lying.
And I think it's starting to be a little irritating... Are you doing that on purpose? Are you trying to find my limit...?
[that's what itsuki was trying to do with him, apparently. is it like that????]
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It has nothing to do with your limits. I'm not trying to push you like that.
[ Not right now, anyway. ]
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... I don't really understand this conversation.... Maybe I really do need to try to think more...
[he shakes his head though - like that'll be enough to clear his head]
Ro-san, I have a question. Are you honest about what you need and want from me?
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[and that seems to settle him a bit. she's right that it's ingrained in buzen to try to meet other's needs before his own. roxana's especially, now.]
You're my master. I want to serve you, and protect you. It's easiest for me if I understand what you want from me.
[ . . . ]
If you lie to me, I'll be frustrated. If you hide something from me, I'll wish that you didn't. But I know you don't need me to accomplish your goals.
It doesn't change that I want to know everything about you, both fact and fiction. What's easy to accept, and what feels nearly impossible.
I told you that weeks ago... and I'm just as certain now.
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You do make me believe you.
[ Her voice is so soft. It makes her feel a little uncomfortable, to think that Buzen probably could accept her at her worst or at any other point. ]
And that's something that's a little hard to accept and a little impossible.
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I've chosen you, Ro-san - but I guess I never really explained why.
It's not just because you're smart or powerful, even though I think those are important parts to being you. But it's because you were the first to ask me what I want, and what I could wish for. You told me that wanting to exist is enough, and that I could be more than my history - or lack thereof. I think you are kind... or at the very least, affirming of people's right to be who they are.
... and it's because I know that you intend to walk straight into hell for the sake of your own survival. I'm not chasing after you dreaming of peace. I know that there will be blood. I don't just expect you to put me to use - I hope you will. Not because I want to hurt anyone, but because I'd like you to have someone to believe in outside of your own power.
So if you believe in me... that makes me happy. [he smiles a little] Even if it sets you a little at ease, or feels strange. I can't say sorry, though.
If I can be selfish about this - I want you to believe me even more.
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There is little peace to be had with me, blood or no blood.
[ It takes a moment, but she puts her hand in his. ]
I wonder who the bigger fool is between us. You, for choosing me, or me, for accepting your words.
[ And even if her voice sound a bit foreign to her own ears in this moment, she does believe him. ]
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I don't really know what the definition of being a fool is anymore, Ro-san. I think those are pretty good choices to make...?
At the very least, I'd like them to not leave either of us with regrets. I don't think I'll have any.
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[ She thinks she's a terrible choice in every way, but she can't hate being chosen.
Dying has been a regret, and there is no comfort in it, but at least they can still move forward in some fashion. ]
I don't make choices I regret, so at least, on that we agree.