Also truly the dangers of Matsui: he will go from depression to horny to happy and back to depression all in one thread. Now he's remembering his Catholic guilt... He lets Buzen catch his eyes for a moment, but his gaze drops away soon after.]
...I can try. [Try to let Buzen do a little more in the ways that matter. No saying whether or not trying will become a success, but.] Is that fine?
the way that buzen now has a new method in his arsenal because once matsui's gaze drops away, he's truly just going to lean in and absolutely just cover his cheek in a dozen quick little kisses mwah]
Buzen-- [A quick little exclamation before he's tucking his head to the side a little to RUN FROM THIS KISS ONSLAUGHT, breathing out a little huff of air which may be a laugh. He doesn't try that hard to escape... It does seem to cheer him up a little, this fucking idiot.]
[and he'll give matsui that little break when he runs, but he seems pleased with the way that it got him to lighten up a little. buzen gives him a little squeeze then, and then sways left and right a little with matsui still in his arms.]
... it's hard to let people in, right Matsu? No matter how much you care about them. Even if it's you and me.
[he really is trying to understand, and trying to embrace it with as much warmth as he can muster]
But you're still trying. And that's what makes me really warm...
[every time matsui tries, even a little bit, instead of just giving up before it even starts]
[He follows the motion Buzen sets, a gentle sway side to side, and tries not to immediately withdraw from how correct these words are. He isn't a deceptive sword by nature, but he has a lot to hide, even from Buzen. Especially from Buzen. Being seen clearly is always a scary thing.
But Buzen phrases it in such a nice way that it almost feels like something forgivable.]
...It isn't-- you. [Which he knows that Buzen knows (probably), but he still feels like he has to clarify. It isn't Buzen's fault that he can't open up and let others in, no matter how much he cares. Even if it's him and Buzen.]
I'll keep trying. Thank you...
[He's just sorry that that's all he can offer. But, y'know. Nothing new there.]
he'll just lean in closer so he can press his lips against matsui's temple.]
It's not you either, Matsu. Nothing's wrong with you.
[softly and reassuringly, but also so certain. like to buzen it's the simple truth - because it is. even though matsui struggles, it's not because there's something inherently wrong with him. anyone who went through what he did would be struggling just as much, if not more.]
[These are such comforting words and he sure wishes he believed they were true!!!!! But no he is very convinced that something is deeply wrong with him in many ways, but it's fine, because it's not like he can do anything about it.
It's nice to relish in the certainty that he himself doesn't have, though. Just for a moment.]
You always think the best of me.
[And he doesn't want to hear Buzen saying anything about how he just sees him for him or whatever else, so now it's his turn to cheat by shifting and placing his lips very delicately over Buzen's, almost more as a gentle and passing touch instead of a proper kiss.]
but buzen really is just about to say something in response to that - when he just gets a kissy instead. it silences him well enough, given that he's just going to kiss back automatically.
he's pretty sure he's not supposed to say anything...... but also he feels like he has to just say one thing and if he sees the best in matsui it's because - ]
You make it easy.
[and he'll give him another little kiss after. okay there he's done]
[HE IS TRULY JUST A WALL OF DEPRESSION OUT HERE. But getting a little kissy from Buzen makes him feel a little better........ He's a simple sword.
But also his depression is so strong. He just sighs in response, because he knows better (sometimes) than to argue (verbally) when Buzen insists about these kinds of things. Instead, he just settles into Buzen's arms again, resting his chin against his shoulder.]
...Will you stay with me? A little longer, here - just sit with me for a while.
Mm-hmm. I didn't have any other plans once I found you.
[that much is easy to agree to. in the end, buzen got what he wanted - which was matsui promising to try just a little bit. to try to put his feelings into words, and to try to let buzen take care of him. if this is just one more way that buzen can take care of him, then that's enough.
and maybe, slowly, they'll be able to bridge that gap between them a little more.
he'll keep things light - ]
And I can kiss you a little more if you want, too. Or bite?
[STOP GIVING HIM WHAT HE WANTS STOP GIVING HIM WHAT HE WANTS]
I wouldn't dissuade either. [FUCKING STOPPPPPPP.] But I don't mind sitting with you.
[Since Buzen's general presence is so soothing for his heart and he could use the peace right now after his no good very bad Monday and Tuesday. At least this moment is something he can hold onto when Buzen ABANDONS HIM FOR A MOTORCYLCE.]
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
no subject
but he'll just try to see if he can meet matsui's eyes because it feels very important when he says:]
I think it's exactly enough. Let me take care of you more, okay Matsu?
no subject
Also truly the dangers of Matsui: he will go from depression to horny to happy and back to depression all in one thread. Now he's remembering his Catholic guilt... He lets Buzen catch his eyes for a moment, but his gaze drops away soon after.]
...I can try. [Try to let Buzen do a little more in the ways that matter. No saying whether or not trying will become a success, but.] Is that fine?
no subject
the way that buzen now has a new method in his arsenal because once matsui's gaze drops away, he's truly just going to lean in and absolutely just cover his cheek in a dozen quick little kisses mwah]
Yeah.
Thanks.
no subject
Buzen-- [A quick little exclamation before he's tucking his head to the side a little to RUN FROM THIS KISS ONSLAUGHT, breathing out a little huff of air which may be a laugh. He doesn't try that hard to escape... It does seem to cheer him up a little, this fucking idiot.]
Don't thank me for a thing like this...
no subject
[and he'll give matsui that little break when he runs, but he seems pleased with the way that it got him to lighten up a little. buzen gives him a little squeeze then, and then sways left and right a little with matsui still in his arms.]
... it's hard to let people in, right Matsu? No matter how much you care about them. Even if it's you and me.
[he really is trying to understand, and trying to embrace it with as much warmth as he can muster]
But you're still trying. And that's what makes me really warm...
[every time matsui tries, even a little bit, instead of just giving up before it even starts]
no subject
But Buzen phrases it in such a nice way that it almost feels like something forgivable.]
...It isn't-- you. [Which he knows that Buzen knows (probably), but he still feels like he has to clarify. It isn't Buzen's fault that he can't open up and let others in, no matter how much he cares. Even if it's him and Buzen.]
I'll keep trying. Thank you...
[He's just sorry that that's all he can offer. But, y'know. Nothing new there.]
no subject
he'll just lean in closer so he can press his lips against matsui's temple.]
It's not you either, Matsu. Nothing's wrong with you.
[softly and reassuringly, but also so certain. like to buzen it's the simple truth - because it is. even though matsui struggles, it's not because there's something inherently wrong with him. anyone who went through what he did would be struggling just as much, if not more.]
Promise.
no subject
It's nice to relish in the certainty that he himself doesn't have, though. Just for a moment.]
You always think the best of me.
[And he doesn't want to hear Buzen saying anything about how he just sees him for him or whatever else, so now it's his turn to cheat by shifting and placing his lips very delicately over Buzen's, almost more as a gentle and passing touch instead of a proper kiss.]
no subject
but buzen really is just about to say something in response to that - when he just gets a kissy instead. it silences him well enough, given that he's just going to kiss back automatically.
he's pretty sure he's not supposed to say anything...... but also he feels like he has to just say one thing and if he sees the best in matsui it's because - ]
You make it easy.
[and he'll give him another little kiss after. okay there he's done]
no subject
But also his depression is so strong. He just sighs in response, because he knows better (sometimes) than to argue (verbally) when Buzen insists about these kinds of things. Instead, he just settles into Buzen's arms again, resting his chin against his shoulder.]
...Will you stay with me? A little longer, here - just sit with me for a while.
no subject
[that much is easy to agree to. in the end, buzen got what he wanted - which was matsui promising to try just a little bit. to try to put his feelings into words, and to try to let buzen take care of him. if this is just one more way that buzen can take care of him, then that's enough.
and maybe, slowly, they'll be able to bridge that gap between them a little more.
he'll keep things light - ]
And I can kiss you a little more if you want, too. Or bite?
[stop]
no subject
I wouldn't dissuade either. [FUCKING STOPPPPPPP.] But I don't mind sitting with you.
[Since Buzen's general presence is so soothing for his heart and he could use the peace right now after his no good very bad Monday and Tuesday. At least this moment is something he can hold onto when Buzen ABANDONS HIM FOR A MOTORCYLCE.]