[buzen will lean down to matsui's touch then, simultaneously bringing him up closer and then lowering his head so that he can press their foreheads together. he has to enter the cathedral but right now he's focused on his matsui?]
... if that feels worth it to you, then I'm grateful.
[even though existence is cruel, and the hurt is hard to hold.]
You make it easier for me too... to feel like this heart won't break against everything else.
But this is fine too, he doesn't even know where they are right now... He's just going to let his forehead rest against Buzen's, keeping his hands where they are for the time being.]
You are worth it, Buzen.
[He would truly suffer through SO MUCH for Buzen's sake!! SO MUCH... All the pains and hurts of being alive with a human heart... Though unfortunately, even if Buzen is worth more than anything, there's a breaking point out there in the distance.
After another moment, he leans back a little so he can drop one of his hands down, resting it against Buzen's chest, over his heart.]
... [He doesn't know how he can possibly make anything easier for anyone HONESTLY!!! But...] ...If I can do anything at all for you, then I'm satisfied.
[buzen's heart maintains a steady beat - there was an uptick earlier, when he was particularly mad at D, but it's since calmed again. he'll shift so that he can push open the cathedral doors with his shoulder and bring them back inside.]
We made it to the cathedral, Matsu.
[he says to fill up the space between them briefly. he'll bring them up toward the front again, settling down at the pew.
but as for whether or not there's anything that matsui can do for him, buzen's ask is simple - ]
... Just stay with me. I'm low maintenance, you know? Just... let me stay with you, too.
[when buzen is the type of person who focuses on others, and tries to be a support for them - the most matsui can ever really do for him is... well, give him a chance to do exactly that.]
[Ah, his new home, the cathedral. He relaxes a little, like, a microscopic amount from the incredible tension his body has been harboring up to this point. When they're both on the pew, he resettles himself so he's in Buzen's lap, facing him. Fortunately no banging will happen in this thread. Thanks anna for doing gods literal anti-horny work.]
...If that's what I can do, then I will. I will stay with you, if you stay with me.
[TOGETHER IN PARIS.
He'll go quiet for a little while after that, though, staring in his unseeing way out past Buzen and into the church. Eventually:]
Please wait until Sunday, if you still wish to heal what's left.
[WHY WAS BANGING EVEN STILL AN OPTION MATSUIIIIIIIIIII
buzen is unaware though, so blissfully unaware, and will instead just settle his arms around matsui's waist to steady him. he watches him thoughtfully, because keeping his focus on matsui will help distract him from the half dozen rins that are still running around in his vision.]
... will you let me ask Nahi-chan to help? I don't want you to still be hurt by the new week.
It's already a lot longer than you normally go without repairs.
[so buzen thinks it's fair of him to want to rush the rest.]
This is so funny. A hundred Rins just out here doing whatever the fuck, and Matsui can't see them and also refuses to see them. He would simply not be able to hold himself together. This terrible effect has become a blessing in disguise.]
...If you wish. [He'll concede this much, at least.] I don't want to be a burden to you.
[Buzen is doing so much for him... But also, he doesn't want to be seen as an easy target and end up leaving Buzen before he's ready to.]
[I HATE IT HEREEEEE I PRAY THIS NEVER HAPPENSSSSSS
Wow he hates this, though. The difference that's most important is that Buzen is perfect and doesn't deserve to carry his injuries with him?? Matsui does! HIS PENANCE.
But he knows that giving an answer like that won't do anything but hurt Buzen, and the last thing either of them need right now is more hurt. So he'll just lean forward so he can rest against Buzen fully, closing his eyes.]
I wouldn't want you to. [He wouldn't necessarily stop Buzen, but he would be deeply unhappy about it.] I dislike seeing you hurt.
[And he knows the reverse is true, unfortunately.]
[buzen takes on matsui's weight easily, steady and uncaring of the fact that they're just out here cuddling in front of mother peter's salad. he'll lean down to nuzzle against matsui's cheek annoyingly, like that'll help make his point some more.]
Mm-hmm.
And I bet you'd be able to convince me to get repaired, even if I didn't want to for some reason... [because he's bad at saying no to matsui,] So I think you should let me convince you too.
He's not in a very cuddly mood, unsurprisingly, but he's still in a very clingy one so Buzen just gets him koalaing about it, hiding his face away against Buzen's shoulder. BEGONE.]
You don't have to convince me. If this is what you wish, then that's fine. I just... can't. Not tomorrow.
[Imagine if Matsui had to deal with the double-whammy of seeing Rin everywhere and having to look people in the face and pretend he didn't know what was going on. THE LAST TIME HE HAD TO DO THAT ALL HE DID WAS STANDING MAN EMOJI IN THE BACKGROUND LIKE :TAILS:]
[koala'd..... buzen does find something faintly amusing about matsui using him to escape from.... him, but he'll just press his face against his hair instead. ok, picky.]
.... I know.
[it's pretty precarious. buzen wants to just - say something immediately, but when they don't know what the consequences of making an easy trial are, he doesn't want to risk it.
if that becomes something he regrets later, then he'll figure out what other repayment can be offered.]
Lean on me however you need to. I... I'm still going to try to avoid outright lying where I can, but...
[it's ironic to be in another situation where a deceit of a small number - not even four dozen - seems necessary to save the whole.]
[He is so picky. He's such a little brat and yet Buzen just lets him get away with existing like this in front of god and satan!!!
But yeah this is a terrible situation to be in again and he hates it here :amen: THIS FUCKING RULE!! It's a good thing that Buzen is out here to be his moral compass because he might have risked it for the biscuit otherwise. But it's wise to point out that it's a vaguely-worded statement, and that consequences could mean just about anything in such a high-stakes scenario. So.]
...Mm.
[They always do what they have to in the end, so really, this is no different from any other mission they've run. He hates it all the same.]
Let me help you where I can, too. I don't... know that I will be able to do much, but...
[ . . . buzen is quiet for a little moment after that. he hears the offers, and he appreciates it. but it's not like samidare trying to take over kills from buzen, when he's otherwise willing to be executioner. this is lying and dishonesty, it's deceit and falsehoods. it's something that feels like - despite the gous' newfound acting experience - some of them just can't do.
and it's something he doesn't want matsui to do, after he spoke about rin and his legacy.]
... I don't know how I can be helped, or what I could need. [he wouldn't know how to ask for those things even if he did, but that's neither here nor there.]
So just... stay close, Matsu. And I guess... don't hate me when it's over.
[because buzen can already imagine the ways that some humans might feel betrayed, when he admits later he knew the whole time. even if they have their reasons, he won't be able to begrudge them for their emotion.
[He's definitely not a sword who's suited for deception. He could probably manage something, if he really felt he had to, but that something might still be lacking. He can't put a smile on his face when he doesn't feel it in his heart. He can't even manage that without the complexities the day has brought upon them, sometimes.
This is still painful, though. Because it feels like exactly what it is: Buzen once again taking too much upon himself, not letting anyone else carry the burdens. But what can he do? He isn't even sure he'll be able to speak to anyone in trial tomorrow, let alone help find evidence as though he doesn't know who did it or why.
So after a few seconds, he'll lift his head so he can place a delicate kiss against the side of Buzen's face.]
There is nothing in this world or any other that could make me hate you. I'll stay close. You can lean on me as you need, and I'll be there for you.
[Swords just in a little huddle in McDonald's, regrouping.]
[buzen can lie. buzen has lied. buzen has befriended the exact person that he knew would have to die, and then used that veneer of deceit to lead him to his quick, immediate downfall.
tomorrow will be similar. he's told so many people about his curse of seeing rin everywhere, and he'll admit to it - but he will also be comfortable in knowing that they trust him so dearly that the accusations will take a while to come, until he leans on it more. until he brings the attention to their team, but never outright says it because he can't take a risk on the cruelty of this place if he tries to be honest.
but people will be mad at the end - probably. it makes send to be mad at liars. buzen didn't like emosaku much either.
matsui won't be mad at him, though, and buzen sighs as he turns his face just to catch matsui's lips against his. this is still new, but there is a sense of comfort to it.]
... I know. That's how I need you too, Matsu.
[just to keep buzen grounded and to know his truth even when he hides it from everyone else]
[Buzen's out here getting ready to castle scene it up again meanwhile Matsui is just like "I wonder if I can get away with simply being unconscious somehow". Truly the duality of Gous.
But he'll leave it to Buzen, because Buzen is the leader, and he wouldn't know how to act in this situation even at his best and least frazzled, which is a state that he's very far from right now. He'll just share in that same sense of comfort from the kiss, brief and gentle, and in knowing that even if he can't do much, he's still needed.
Buzen is his tether so often, in so many contexts. The least he can do is return the favor and hold Buzen's hand, stand with him even when painful and ugly things are required in order to proceed.
Nothing could ever make him turn his back on Buzen.]
...Don't push yourself too hard, even then. I will be there to hold you up as I can, but you shouldn't take too much onto yourself, regardless.
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... if that feels worth it to you, then I'm grateful.
[even though existence is cruel, and the hurt is hard to hold.]
You make it easier for me too... to feel like this heart won't break against everything else.
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But this is fine too, he doesn't even know where they are right now... He's just going to let his forehead rest against Buzen's, keeping his hands where they are for the time being.]
You are worth it, Buzen.
[He would truly suffer through SO MUCH for Buzen's sake!! SO MUCH... All the pains and hurts of being alive with a human heart... Though unfortunately, even if Buzen is worth more than anything, there's a breaking point out there in the distance.
After another moment, he leans back a little so he can drop one of his hands down, resting it against Buzen's chest, over his heart.]
... [He doesn't know how he can possibly make anything easier for anyone HONESTLY!!! But...] ...If I can do anything at all for you, then I'm satisfied.
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We made it to the cathedral, Matsu.
[he says to fill up the space between them briefly. he'll bring them up toward the front again, settling down at the pew.
but as for whether or not there's anything that matsui can do for him, buzen's ask is simple - ]
... Just stay with me. I'm low maintenance, you know? Just... let me stay with you, too.
[when buzen is the type of person who focuses on others, and tries to be a support for them - the most matsui can ever really do for him is... well, give him a chance to do exactly that.]
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...If that's what I can do, then I will. I will stay with you, if you stay with me.
[TOGETHER IN PARIS.
He'll go quiet for a little while after that, though, staring in his unseeing way out past Buzen and into the church. Eventually:]
Please wait until Sunday, if you still wish to heal what's left.
[As if Buzen would be like nah.]
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buzen is unaware though, so blissfully unaware, and will instead just settle his arms around matsui's waist to steady him. he watches him thoughtfully, because keeping his focus on matsui will help distract him from the half dozen rins that are still running around in his vision.]
... will you let me ask Nahi-chan to help? I don't want you to still be hurt by the new week.
It's already a lot longer than you normally go without repairs.
[so buzen thinks it's fair of him to want to rush the rest.]
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This is so funny. A hundred Rins just out here doing whatever the fuck, and Matsui can't see them and also refuses to see them. He would simply not be able to hold himself together. This terrible effect has become a blessing in disguise.]
...If you wish. [He'll concede this much, at least.] I don't want to be a burden to you.
[Buzen is doing so much for him... But also, he doesn't want to be seen as an easy target and end up leaving Buzen before he's ready to.]
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buzen, UNAWARE OF THE HORRORS OF CATHOLIC SLUTTY, will just give matsui a ltitle squeeze at that, nestling his face close a moment later.]
You're never a burden to me.
[easily,]
.... I know it doesn't bother you to be hurt. But it bothers me. If I got a bunch of injuries out of nowhere, would you let me keep them if I asked?
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Wow he hates this, though. The difference that's most important is that Buzen is perfect and doesn't deserve to carry his injuries with him?? Matsui does! HIS PENANCE.
But he knows that giving an answer like that won't do anything but hurt Buzen, and the last thing either of them need right now is more hurt. So he'll just lean forward so he can rest against Buzen fully, closing his eyes.]
I wouldn't want you to. [He wouldn't necessarily stop Buzen, but he would be deeply unhappy about it.] I dislike seeing you hurt.
[And he knows the reverse is true, unfortunately.]
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Mm-hmm.
And I bet you'd be able to convince me to get repaired, even if I didn't want to for some reason... [because he's bad at saying no to matsui,] So I think you should let me convince you too.
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He's not in a very cuddly mood, unsurprisingly, but he's still in a very clingy one so Buzen just gets him koalaing about it, hiding his face away against Buzen's shoulder. BEGONE.]
You don't have to convince me. If this is what you wish, then that's fine. I just... can't. Not tomorrow.
[Imagine if Matsui had to deal with the double-whammy of seeing Rin everywhere and having to look people in the face and pretend he didn't know what was going on. THE LAST TIME HE HAD TO DO THAT ALL HE DID WAS STANDING MAN EMOJI IN THE BACKGROUND LIKE :TAILS:]
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.... I know.
[it's pretty precarious. buzen wants to just - say something immediately, but when they don't know what the consequences of making an easy trial are, he doesn't want to risk it.
if that becomes something he regrets later, then he'll figure out what other repayment can be offered.]
Lean on me however you need to. I... I'm still going to try to avoid outright lying where I can, but...
[it's ironic to be in another situation where a deceit of a small number - not even four dozen - seems necessary to save the whole.]
We'll do what we have to.
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But yeah this is a terrible situation to be in again and he hates it here :amen: THIS FUCKING RULE!! It's a good thing that Buzen is out here to be his moral compass because he might have risked it for the biscuit otherwise. But it's wise to point out that it's a vaguely-worded statement, and that consequences could mean just about anything in such a high-stakes scenario. So.]
...Mm.
[They always do what they have to in the end, so really, this is no different from any other mission they've run. He hates it all the same.]
Let me help you where I can, too. I don't... know that I will be able to do much, but...
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and it's something he doesn't want matsui to do, after he spoke about rin and his legacy.]
... I don't know how I can be helped, or what I could need. [he wouldn't know how to ask for those things even if he did, but that's neither here nor there.]
So just... stay close, Matsu. And I guess... don't hate me when it's over.
[because buzen can already imagine the ways that some humans might feel betrayed, when he admits later he knew the whole time. even if they have their reasons, he won't be able to begrudge them for their emotion.
but it'd be nice
to at least have matsui with him]
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This is still painful, though. Because it feels like exactly what it is: Buzen once again taking too much upon himself, not letting anyone else carry the burdens. But what can he do? He isn't even sure he'll be able to speak to anyone in trial tomorrow, let alone help find evidence as though he doesn't know who did it or why.
So after a few seconds, he'll lift his head so he can place a delicate kiss against the side of Buzen's face.]
There is nothing in this world or any other that could make me hate you. I'll stay close. You can lean on me as you need, and I'll be there for you.
[Swords just in a little huddle in McDonald's, regrouping.]
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tomorrow will be similar. he's told so many people about his curse of seeing rin everywhere, and he'll admit to it - but he will also be comfortable in knowing that they trust him so dearly that the accusations will take a while to come, until he leans on it more. until he brings the attention to their team, but never outright says it because he can't take a risk on the cruelty of this place if he tries to be honest.
but people will be mad at the end - probably. it makes send to be mad at liars. buzen didn't like emosaku much either.
matsui won't be mad at him, though, and buzen sighs as he turns his face just to catch matsui's lips against his. this is still new, but there is a sense of comfort to it.]
... I know. That's how I need you too, Matsu.
[just to keep buzen grounded and to know his truth even when he hides it from everyone else]
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But he'll leave it to Buzen, because Buzen is the leader, and he wouldn't know how to act in this situation even at his best and least frazzled, which is a state that he's very far from right now. He'll just share in that same sense of comfort from the kiss, brief and gentle, and in knowing that even if he can't do much, he's still needed.
Buzen is his tether so often, in so many contexts. The least he can do is return the favor and hold Buzen's hand, stand with him even when painful and ugly things are required in order to proceed.
Nothing could ever make him turn his back on Buzen.]
...Don't push yourself too hard, even then. I will be there to hold you up as I can, but you shouldn't take too much onto yourself, regardless.
[Even though Buzen ALWAYS DOES.]