Stop tempting him with kisses before lunch though damn, what's he supposed to do, not kiss back?? No!! Of course he does.]
Mm. I'm glad, then - I am, too.
[Even with the going 200mph part... He still loves stupid speed demon Buzen... Lifting his hand to his mouth so he can gently kiss the back of it, too. FULL OF BUZEN AFFECTION!!]
[i. help. they're gonna be stuck here kissing for a second then, up until buzen bites matsui's bottom lip at the tail end of one because he also knows matsui likes bites................. help,]
[thinking about how i had to backdate a nightingale thread because of lambda so technically matsui would be even more clam depressed today but it's fine HE'S STILL GOT IT IN HIS STUPID BUZEN-LOVING HEART TO SMOOCH IN A CAR ABOUT IT.
There's a little flicker of a smile at the bite.]
...Thank you. I want to do what I can for you, too.
[He raises his hand, resting his fingertips lightly against the side of Buzen's face.]
There's something that flickers in his expression. Thinking about how the spirit can take Matsui at any moment but there's no tell whether it'll be the spirit of horny or the spirit of depression. His thumb strokes against the high point of Buzen's cheekbone, something heavy sitting on his tongue that he decides to swallow instead of speak.
He also decides to lean forward and kiss Buzen again instead of putting anything into words just yet.]
[ . . . well, buzen's not a mindreader. even if he notices the shift in matsui's face, there's not much that he can do about it. his expression softens and his next kiss is slow, moving his mouth against matsui's in a gentle, languid way while he gathers his thoughts and in case he decides to share them.
at least for now, buzen won't rush him. he's content to stay here, pressing more kisses to matsui's lips while he waits.]
[Unfortunately a spirit is seizing him and both fortunately and unfortunately it's not fully the spirit of horny. Such a slow and sweet kiss just makes his heart feel like it's being squeezed, but he's unwilling to give up a single moment of closeness that he can get with Buzen, now more than ever.
His other hand also rises, first to fckin unbuckle himself and then to rest against the other side of Buzen's face as he turns to face him more fully, so he can kiss him again, and again, with the sort of slow care of someone who's trying to carve everything into memory.]
it's hard for buzen to really figure out what caused the shift - all he said was that matsui made him happy, was that the wrong thing to say, help - but he is overall just terribly accommodating. he'll match matsui, unbuckling himself so that he can more easily loop an arm around his middle ignoring the way that the center console is probably in the way. instead he'll just match matsui, kiss for kiss, deepening them in a way that is more patient than hungry - but offering up everything that he can if that's what matsui wants from him.
the way he has no idea what's going on but sure he can still kiss matsu about it]
Buzen is truly so funny he's really out here doing his best. Unfortunately Matsui is a nightmare creature who is so fragile and hurt by so many things. This is nothing anyone can help his stupid ass with, and he at least doesn't expect or want anyone to.
Also unfortunately, he's going to crawl over the center console because it's in his way and resume his favorite sitting with Buzen position, which is just in Buzen's lap. Matsui doesn't cry often, despite the amount that he'd been doing in the early weeks here, but there's still a sort of about-to-cry state of existence that he seems to live in sometimes which is very much present here. Not actually about to cry, but that emotional teetering.
But it's fine because he's just going to keep kissing Buzen about it, holding his face gently in his hands like he's in the presence of a prized treasure.]
[ah - well, that's fine. buzen will keep one arm wrapped around matsui, the other one just adjusting the seat position so it's slightly more comfortable for them to be sitting in the driver's side together. that hand, once done with its fiddling, will come up to cup matsui's face as buzen continues to meet him for each passing kiss.
at least until it gets harder to catch his breath, but even then he'll pull back and press his lips against matsui's cheeks, gentle and sweet before he rests their foreheads together.]
[NO HE DOESN'T WANT TO TALK HE JUST WANTS TO KISS. He doesn't say this, but it's obvious in the way he tenses a little, in the way that his eyes avert for a moment, because they're too honest and he knows it, even if looking away gives his turmoil away just as often.]
...I just want you closer.
[A compromise, since what he really wants is to experience everything with an aching and terrible clarity and burn it into himself as if his memories will carry on past his own demise, but he doesn't want to start talking again like things are already over again. Not to Buzen.]
[ . . . hmmm. buzen feels like there's something more to it than that, but also he's not the type to say no. he'll press his lips against matsui's again, and guide one of matsui's hands to rest over buzen's heart, slipping underneath the fabric of his nice blazer if that's what he wants. just something to feel the way it still solidly beats.
buzen's own hand pinches the fabric of matsui's shirt at the back to untuck it from his pants, and then snakes underneath to rest more directly against his lower back. the feeling of skin against skin.]
Okay. Now? Like this?
[the spirit of horny didn't fully hit matsui and yet it still seems to be leading to this,]
[ME LIKE I EXPECTED A HORNY CAR BANG NOT A SAD CAR BANG.
Matsui is absolutely slipping his hand under the nice blazer, though. He appreciates the feeling of Buzen's heart, even if it's funny in the worst of ways how many times he's had to do this. How often he needs the reassurance. His fingers splay, hand cold as always, and he closes his eyes for a moment and counts the beat out.]
Like this.
[Unfortunately he's also too comfortable with the feeling of Buzen's skin against his, and it brings him some measure of peace. He leans forward again, so he can give Buzen another kiss and then gently bite his lip, too. Not drawing blood, yet.]
[technically there's still time for both. remember when they were going to get soup.
but buzen will just allow for this, and part his lips automatically as if answering a request, deepening the kiss and making a soft sound against matsui's mouth. even if he's confused, he still doesn't really know how to deny matsui... still, there's an overall air to this intimacy that doesn't sit as comfortably with him. so he aims his next kiss to matsui's cheek, his jaw, down his neck as his free hand goes to help free him of his shirt.]
Matsuuuu. [in a soft little sing-song, still gentle, but livelier than matsui's somber little touches.] Hey.... I love you, you know?
And I'm never going to regret that. No matter what happens. So... let's not make it a sad story, okay? If you want me closer, I'll always give myself to you.
But if you keep seeming so down about it, I might get embarrassed...
[damn imagine making your boyfriend more depressed than turned on]
[THEIR FUCKING SOUP. Also if anyone has the ability to do this, it's Matsui... He's confident in his depression! The most depressed fool in the room!!
He really can't help his depression clam... ALL HE CAN SEE IS THE POTENTIAL TRAGEDY LOOMING ON THE HORIZON. It feels like it could become a very sad story, even if they don't regret the love they have. Matsui knows that Buzen won't, and of course he himself is willing to suffer through the unimaginable for love, too. That doesn't make it less sorrowful, though.
With a sigh, he leans forward and just folds Buzen up into his arms, briefly hiding his face away against the crook of his shoulder once more.]
[buzen just sighs, laughing a little bit even as he brings matsui into his embrace. he squeezes him tight, even as he presses kisses to wherever he can reach - his hair, his ear, his shoulders, even if he's hiding his face away.]
It's alright... but something's bothering you. And while I love to love you, I don't want you to be this upset while I do. We can still do it...
[ . . . ]
But can you try just a little bit? To share something with me to see if I can help somehow...?
[and if a sad bang is inevitable then that's fine but buzen would rather have just a general emotional one that isn't purely depression]
[THE INEVITABLE SAD BANG JUST HANGING OMINOUSLY OVER THE HORIZON... It's fine, maybe it won't happen. Maybe the depression will win against the horniness for now...
Matsui's quiet in the way he is when weighing things in his mind, deciding what to say and what to keep to himself. It's only because he knows this is important information to share in general, and something that he'll need to say sooner or later, that he decides to shift so he's looking Buzen in the eye. HE DIDN'T WANT TO RUIN DATE DAY but sometimes you can't contain your own sadness within the flimsy confines of your cursed body.]
...As things currently stand... Froggystyle is still almost one hundred points away from the very lowest amount that would be needed to send everyone home.
[It's all he says, but of course, with Matsui being who he is, there's a cascade of worries that follow something as simple as "you'd need around 290 points". What if Froggystyle is targeted? The next highest ranking team will likely lose Simon, and then what? The third place is nearly a hundred points away from Froggystyle. What if Froggystyle isn't targeted, but they end up voted out, instead? What if they can't act quickly enough to scrape together those extra hundred minimum over the next two weeks? On top of that, there's the guilt he feels for leaving this on the shoulders of so few - this unspeakably enormous burden of carrying the weight of forty people and nearly forty worlds.
[the most. mild okay of all time. he'll just lean in to press a kiss to matsui's lips and answer:] Or, they're only one hundred points away. When they got over one hundred points in one week, when they were in second to last place.
When we know points can move and transfer between our Erased team and others, so maybe that's what'll happen with our points - we get to give them to the first place team. Or something way cooler will happen with our points that I'm not clever enough to think of.
Or, we ask Justice to pick it up if something happens to Froggystyle, and Vio-san... well, he said he was a weapon and while I don't want to use him like one, I think he'd get it if we asked him to. Or some other team will do something, even if it'll be difficult and violent, because once enough people realize, then I think they'll do anything to bring us all back.
Um... what else could you be worrying about that I'm not thinking of... You're smarter than I am so it's hard...
[he tilts his head like rattling his last two braincells around, but ultimately shrug and just place another kiss on matsui's cheeks before his hands come up to hold onto his face gently.]
My point is... I can't tell you to stop worrying. You care so much, of course you're gonna worry. I can't say that I'm okay with everything either. That's why we keep working so hard. Night-san is too - they said they'd do more to try to make it easier for us to reach that point threshold. We don't even know what that is yet!
Maybe bad stuff can happen, but so can good stuff. We just don't know which yet... but that's okay, because it's not over.
[Death is hard when you've resigned yourself to permanently dying but you don't want to bring things down for the love of your life.
...So really, nothing has changed! Except now he's also not happy about dying, at least in this precise moment, and is preemptively mournful of any others who may not make it through. Truly, Matsui has the astounding ability to find something to be extremely upset about in almost any situation.
He does, at least, appreciate that Buzen is doing what he can - that he's willing to try sharing this burdensome thing that Matsui has given him, as is always the case, because Buzen is too good to him. A hand reaches up, resting atop Buzen's head for a moment and then stroking down gently. He watches the motion, feels the softness of his hair under his fingers.]
...Mm. [Closing his eyes, he takes a couple of deep breaths, like he's trying to absorb some of Buzen's optimism. He does, at least, feel a little better to hear Buzen's words at all. Even if he doesn't always believe in them, just knowing that he can still hear them at all is a little bit of an anchor.
A reminder that he's still here. That Buzen is still here. Even if it won't be forever, for now, at the very least...
He leans forward again, gently pressing his lips to the side of Buzen's face.]
I'll try to carry this in mind... [Even if he can't always believe in them, necessarily.] It is-- hard to remember, sometimes... That good things can also happen.
[SAYS MATSUI WHO HAS TRULY KNOWN A LIFE OF SO MANY BAD THINGS even if he gets to bang his Buzen about it now.]
[buzen will be stubborn about this - for all that matsui struggles to carry the weight of their reality, buzen is content to be the one to hold onto all their hopes to buoy them upward. even if all he can do is try to cling onto matsui to keep him from sinking. he returns the kisses automatically, catching matsui's mouth with his own.]
Come on, Matsu - we were told that we'd be erased, and both of us were prepared to think that'd be the end. But we're still here. That's a good thing. [even if it followed one of the worst things in existence]
Every second I get with you is a good thing. Like these, with these bodies, being able to tell you everything I want to.
[no longer relegated to blades, only with a history behind them since buzen's true form is still nowhere to be found. it is so easy for buzen to focus on these concrete things, when the void is what he otherwise expects. it's funny, he thinks, when that void is what matsui used to (still?) crave.]
So I'll remind you - of those good things, and we'll find more still.
[It's a bit like the tide, his desire to be done with things. Gone, now that there's a very real threat things will be ended without his decision to end them, but always at risk of coming back.
Right now, he tries to focus on only this. If he can't let his worries go, and he can't let his pessimism go, and he can't even fully believe what Buzen is trying to tell him... He can at least do this, can't he? To set those things aside for a later, private time, when he can preemptively mourn all he wants.]
I'm going to burden you again... Please keep reminding me. If I miss something, let me know. I don't... want to lose these precious things because I'm too busy looking somewhere else.
[Always either forward at the potential misery ahead, or back at the horrible things that have already happened.
He leans forward and places a kiss against Buzen's forehead before leaving another against his mouth.]
I'll start with reminding you that you're never a burden to me. You can ask whatever you want of me, because you're you and I'd do anything for you. Especially for something as easy as this.
[he closes his eyes contentedly against the forehead kiss, and doesn't even open them when he feels the other pressed to his mouth - he just leans in, trusting and warm. it's in moments like this where, more than any other, buzen wants so dearly to reassure matsui of the extent of his affection. without requirement or condition.]
You're not going to lose anything, Matsu. Especially not today - we have a whole plan, don't we? Something red to eat, a walk in the park, dancing under the moonlight.
And for now... I'm right here. So why don't you just look at me instead?
[a request that buzen would normally never make, considering how selfish it sounds... but at the same time, it feels like that's all he can ever really offer matsui. just this promise of himself, and hope it's enough.]
[Buzen thinks it sounds selfish, but to Matsui, it's one of the sweetest things he could offer - and one of the only things he wants, anyway. His love is so single-minded and intense. He'd be satisfied with Buzen alone.
After a beat, he leans back a little so he can do exactly that. So he can look at Buzen. Just look over his face, reaching out to push his hair back and watching it fall. He thinks that no matter what happens here, he'd always remember these things; the shape of his jaw, the rise of his cheekbones, the way his mouth moves, the life in his red, red eyes.]
I'll keep my eyes on you the entire time.
[No looking back to the miserable past. No looking forward to the terrifying future. Just Buzen. Just the two of them eating something red, walking in the park and dancing under the moonlight.
At the very least, his mood does seem to have lifted a little from its downward clam spiral and he leans forward to kiss Buzen one last time.]
[what a downward spiral that one was - and it's not one that buzen can blame matsui for. now that he has the information, even though he still believes in all the things he said, he knows how the recognition of the ways in which they fall short can be anxiety-inducing. but if there's anything buzen can do well, it's putting certain feelings aside in favor of caring for the ones he loves the most.
he gives matsui that kiss, and follows it up with a smile. even if he can't help but laugh a little.]
Are we getting out? You changed your mind? You'll have to fix your shirt...
[since buzen thought they were getting sexy so he started getting touchy HELP]
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matsui gets another kissy because at this point buzen is trained to give him just so many, but he smiles back in response]
Think I can stand by it. I'm already having a good time since I'm with you. That's what matters most, right?
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Stop tempting him with kisses before lunch though damn, what's he supposed to do, not kiss back?? No!! Of course he does.]
Mm. I'm glad, then - I am, too.
[Even with the going 200mph part... He still loves stupid speed demon Buzen... Lifting his hand to his mouth so he can gently kiss the back of it, too. FULL OF BUZEN AFFECTION!!]
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Good. I want to keep you as happy as I can.
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There's a little flicker of a smile at the bite.]
...Thank you. I want to do what I can for you, too.
[He raises his hand, resting his fingertips lightly against the side of Buzen's face.]
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but buzen looks surprised for a moment before his expression softens, and he automatically tilts his head to follow the touch of matsui's fingertips]
You mean you don't know....? You already make me happy, Matsu.
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There's something that flickers in his expression. Thinking about how the spirit can take Matsui at any moment but there's no tell whether it'll be the spirit of horny or the spirit of depression. His thumb strokes against the high point of Buzen's cheekbone, something heavy sitting on his tongue that he decides to swallow instead of speak.
He also decides to lean forward and kiss Buzen again instead of putting anything into words just yet.]
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at least for now, buzen won't rush him. he's content to stay here, pressing more kisses to matsui's lips while he waits.]
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His other hand also rises, first to fckin unbuckle himself and then to rest against the other side of Buzen's face as he turns to face him more fully, so he can kiss him again, and again, with the sort of slow care of someone who's trying to carve everything into memory.]
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it's hard for buzen to really figure out what caused the shift - all he said was that matsui made him happy, was that the wrong thing to say, help - but he is overall just terribly accommodating. he'll match matsui, unbuckling himself so that he can more easily loop an arm around his middle ignoring the way that the center console is probably in the way. instead he'll just match matsui, kiss for kiss, deepening them in a way that is more patient than hungry - but offering up everything that he can if that's what matsui wants from him.
the way he has no idea what's going on but sure he can still kiss matsu about it]
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Buzen is truly so funny he's really out here doing his best. Unfortunately Matsui is a nightmare creature who is so fragile and hurt by so many things. This is nothing anyone can help his stupid ass with, and he at least doesn't expect or want anyone to.
Also unfortunately, he's going to crawl over the center console because it's in his way and resume his favorite sitting with Buzen position, which is just in Buzen's lap. Matsui doesn't cry often, despite the amount that he'd been doing in the early weeks here, but there's still a sort of about-to-cry state of existence that he seems to live in sometimes which is very much present here. Not actually about to cry, but that emotional teetering.
But it's fine because he's just going to keep kissing Buzen about it, holding his face gently in his hands like he's in the presence of a prized treasure.]
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at least until it gets harder to catch his breath, but even then he'll pull back and press his lips against matsui's cheeks, gentle and sweet before he rests their foreheads together.]
Matsu... What's up?
[a hushed question, curious and wondering]
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...I just want you closer.
[A compromise, since what he really wants is to experience everything with an aching and terrible clarity and burn it into himself as if his memories will carry on past his own demise, but he doesn't want to start talking again like things are already over again. Not to Buzen.]
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buzen's own hand pinches the fabric of matsui's shirt at the back to untuck it from his pants, and then snakes underneath to rest more directly against his lower back. the feeling of skin against skin.]
Okay. Now? Like this?
[the spirit of horny didn't fully hit matsui and yet it still seems to be leading to this,]
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Matsui is absolutely slipping his hand under the nice blazer, though. He appreciates the feeling of Buzen's heart, even if it's funny in the worst of ways how many times he's had to do this. How often he needs the reassurance. His fingers splay, hand cold as always, and he closes his eyes for a moment and counts the beat out.]
Like this.
[Unfortunately he's also too comfortable with the feeling of Buzen's skin against his, and it brings him some measure of peace. He leans forward again, so he can give Buzen another kiss and then gently bite his lip, too. Not drawing blood, yet.]
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but buzen will just allow for this, and part his lips automatically as if answering a request, deepening the kiss and making a soft sound against matsui's mouth. even if he's confused, he still doesn't really know how to deny matsui... still, there's an overall air to this intimacy that doesn't sit as comfortably with him. so he aims his next kiss to matsui's cheek, his jaw, down his neck as his free hand goes to help free him of his shirt.]
Matsuuuu. [in a soft little sing-song, still gentle, but livelier than matsui's somber little touches.] Hey.... I love you, you know?
And I'm never going to regret that. No matter what happens. So... let's not make it a sad story, okay? If you want me closer, I'll always give myself to you.
But if you keep seeming so down about it, I might get embarrassed...
[damn imagine making your boyfriend more depressed than turned on]
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He really can't help his depression clam... ALL HE CAN SEE IS THE POTENTIAL TRAGEDY LOOMING ON THE HORIZON. It feels like it could become a very sad story, even if they don't regret the love they have. Matsui knows that Buzen won't, and of course he himself is willing to suffer through the unimaginable for love, too. That doesn't make it less sorrowful, though.
With a sigh, he leans forward and just folds Buzen up into his arms, briefly hiding his face away against the crook of his shoulder once more.]
...I'm sorry. I know that it isn't pleasant.
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It's alright... but something's bothering you. And while I love to love you, I don't want you to be this upset while I do. We can still do it...
[ . . . ]
But can you try just a little bit? To share something with me to see if I can help somehow...?
[and if a sad bang is inevitable then that's fine but buzen would rather have just a general emotional one that isn't purely depression]
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Matsui's quiet in the way he is when weighing things in his mind, deciding what to say and what to keep to himself. It's only because he knows this is important information to share in general, and something that he'll need to say sooner or later, that he decides to shift so he's looking Buzen in the eye. HE DIDN'T WANT TO RUIN DATE DAY but sometimes you can't contain your own sadness within the flimsy confines of your cursed body.]
...As things currently stand... Froggystyle is still almost one hundred points away from the very lowest amount that would be needed to send everyone home.
[It's all he says, but of course, with Matsui being who he is, there's a cascade of worries that follow something as simple as "you'd need around 290 points". What if Froggystyle is targeted? The next highest ranking team will likely lose Simon, and then what? The third place is nearly a hundred points away from Froggystyle. What if Froggystyle isn't targeted, but they end up voted out, instead? What if they can't act quickly enough to scrape together those extra hundred minimum over the next two weeks? On top of that, there's the guilt he feels for leaving this on the shoulders of so few - this unspeakably enormous burden of carrying the weight of forty people and nearly forty worlds.
He's truly in his clam feelings.]
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[the most. mild okay of all time. he'll just lean in to press a kiss to matsui's lips and answer:] Or, they're only one hundred points away. When they got over one hundred points in one week, when they were in second to last place.
When we know points can move and transfer between our Erased team and others, so maybe that's what'll happen with our points - we get to give them to the first place team. Or something way cooler will happen with our points that I'm not clever enough to think of.
Or, we ask Justice to pick it up if something happens to Froggystyle, and Vio-san... well, he said he was a weapon and while I don't want to use him like one, I think he'd get it if we asked him to. Or some other team will do something, even if it'll be difficult and violent, because once enough people realize, then I think they'll do anything to bring us all back.
Um... what else could you be worrying about that I'm not thinking of... You're smarter than I am so it's hard...
[he tilts his head like rattling his last two braincells around, but ultimately shrug and just place another kiss on matsui's cheeks before his hands come up to hold onto his face gently.]
My point is... I can't tell you to stop worrying. You care so much, of course you're gonna worry. I can't say that I'm okay with everything either. That's why we keep working so hard. Night-san is too - they said they'd do more to try to make it easier for us to reach that point threshold. We don't even know what that is yet!
Maybe bad stuff can happen, but so can good stuff. We just don't know which yet... but that's okay, because it's not over.
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...So really, nothing has changed! Except now he's also not happy about dying, at least in this precise moment, and is preemptively mournful of any others who may not make it through. Truly, Matsui has the astounding ability to find something to be extremely upset about in almost any situation.
He does, at least, appreciate that Buzen is doing what he can - that he's willing to try sharing this burdensome thing that Matsui has given him, as is always the case, because Buzen is too good to him. A hand reaches up, resting atop Buzen's head for a moment and then stroking down gently. He watches the motion, feels the softness of his hair under his fingers.]
...Mm. [Closing his eyes, he takes a couple of deep breaths, like he's trying to absorb some of Buzen's optimism. He does, at least, feel a little better to hear Buzen's words at all. Even if he doesn't always believe in them, just knowing that he can still hear them at all is a little bit of an anchor.
A reminder that he's still here. That Buzen is still here. Even if it won't be forever, for now, at the very least...
He leans forward again, gently pressing his lips to the side of Buzen's face.]
I'll try to carry this in mind... [Even if he can't always believe in them, necessarily.] It is-- hard to remember, sometimes... That good things can also happen.
[SAYS MATSUI WHO HAS TRULY KNOWN A LIFE OF SO MANY BAD THINGS even if he gets to bang his Buzen about it now.]
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[buzen will be stubborn about this - for all that matsui struggles to carry the weight of their reality, buzen is content to be the one to hold onto all their hopes to buoy them upward. even if all he can do is try to cling onto matsui to keep him from sinking. he returns the kisses automatically, catching matsui's mouth with his own.]
Come on, Matsu - we were told that we'd be erased, and both of us were prepared to think that'd be the end. But we're still here. That's a good thing. [even if it followed one of the worst things in existence]
Every second I get with you is a good thing. Like these, with these bodies, being able to tell you everything I want to.
[no longer relegated to blades, only with a history behind them since buzen's true form is still nowhere to be found. it is so easy for buzen to focus on these concrete things, when the void is what he otherwise expects. it's funny, he thinks, when that void is what matsui used to (still?) crave.]
So I'll remind you - of those good things, and we'll find more still.
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Right now, he tries to focus on only this. If he can't let his worries go, and he can't let his pessimism go, and he can't even fully believe what Buzen is trying to tell him... He can at least do this, can't he? To set those things aside for a later, private time, when he can preemptively mourn all he wants.]
I'm going to burden you again... Please keep reminding me. If I miss something, let me know. I don't... want to lose these precious things because I'm too busy looking somewhere else.
[Always either forward at the potential misery ahead, or back at the horrible things that have already happened.
He leans forward and places a kiss against Buzen's forehead before leaving another against his mouth.]
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[he closes his eyes contentedly against the forehead kiss, and doesn't even open them when he feels the other pressed to his mouth - he just leans in, trusting and warm. it's in moments like this where, more than any other, buzen wants so dearly to reassure matsui of the extent of his affection. without requirement or condition.]
You're not going to lose anything, Matsu. Especially not today - we have a whole plan, don't we? Something red to eat, a walk in the park, dancing under the moonlight.
And for now... I'm right here. So why don't you just look at me instead?
[a request that buzen would normally never make, considering how selfish it sounds... but at the same time, it feels like that's all he can ever really offer matsui. just this promise of himself, and hope it's enough.]
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After a beat, he leans back a little so he can do exactly that. So he can look at Buzen. Just look over his face, reaching out to push his hair back and watching it fall. He thinks that no matter what happens here, he'd always remember these things; the shape of his jaw, the rise of his cheekbones, the way his mouth moves, the life in his red, red eyes.]
I'll keep my eyes on you the entire time.
[No looking back to the miserable past. No looking forward to the terrifying future. Just Buzen. Just the two of them eating something red, walking in the park and dancing under the moonlight.
At the very least, his mood does seem to have lifted a little from its downward clam spiral and he leans forward to kiss Buzen one last time.]
Shall we go, then?
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he gives matsui that kiss, and follows it up with a smile. even if he can't help but laugh a little.]
Are we getting out? You changed your mind? You'll have to fix your shirt...
[since buzen thought they were getting sexy so he started getting touchy HELP]
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