[If he were truly selfish, he would want to ask for Buzen to stay by his side throughout the entirety of whatever is to come tomorrow. He won't be that cruel, though, knowing the kind of person Buzen is and how much he'll want to help. Even if he doesn't have the braincell for it...
Likewise, he does hold a little more tightly, though.]
Yes. People are lost and struggling... Unsurprisingly, several were unprepared.
[Truly, no one is actually ready for violence and brutality and the taking of a life, even if they're all technically dead already. He had asked several about it and didn't have the words to explain why he was so worried when they said yes and then carried on with ignoring the very pressing reality ahead of them.
He closes his eyes, quiet for a few moments.]
...There isn't anything left for them to do but find their footing and adjust.
Mm... I don't know how many people could take us up on it but -
[tilting his head, peering at matsui's face]
Next week, wanna try giving lessons? I don't think either of us are really the teacher types - Kotegiri's better at organizing... but at least for sparring and stuff.
It feels wrong to have so many humans here who just don't know what they're doing.
[There's a little bit of tension in his back on hearing that. Kotegiri is definitely the most natural teacher of all of them, but he could easily see Buzen managing just fine.
He doesn't even like sparring, though, far preferring battle and often feeling too fearful that he'll lose control and draw the blood of a comrade even in a contained environment.]
I... don't know that I would be well suited to it, Buzen...
[Even then, he's hesitant. But even though he isn't exactly attached to any of the people here, and even though he's aware of the fact that only four will survive, it goes against his nature to leave them without any aid if he can provide it.]
...Alright. I'll do what I can.
[Buzen will be there with him, anyway. In the event that something goes awry, he would trust him to step in and make sure he doesn't do anything regrettable.]
[he'll just give matsui another little squeeze at that, warm]
Then that's enough. Thanks, Matsu.
[because buzen does appreciate it, even knowing that matsui has all these apprehensions. he still wants to help and do what he can. it's why buzen does think that matsui is kinder than him, in the end.]
[For the thanks, he means. It feels like the least he can do, but everything always feels like the least he can do when he's in a constant hamster wheel uphill battle of making up for his MANY GRIEVOUS SINS.
For now, he'll just be Buzen greedy and cling a little, because he's feeling a little clingy even if he's not overly-upset.]
What are you planning to do between now and tomorrow...?
I think my scouting's all done, and I've checked up on pretty much everyone... We can keep looking around, if you want, or we can go back to rest if you want.
Or head to the really red room, if it'd make you feel better.
[Even though he'd have been fine following Buzen wherever the heck he wanted to go, it's undeniable that this is a preferable outcome to him...
After a second of consideration:]
The red room. I want to go there.
[He's having some MOMENTS with people and their BLOOD PAWS, and it's not like he can even go stare at the blools quietly when everyone's gone because the blools are also gone. So. Next best thing.]
[then he’ll untangle himself gently from matsui - but not even for long because he’s looping an arm around him as they head off to walk toward the selfie building
they’re really going to be this touchy all game now thanks mods]
[THE MODS DID THIS TO US. WHY HAVE YOU FORSAKEN ME SPECIFICALLY dana can perish BUT WHAT ABOUT ME, AKI,]
Yes... I would rather we didn't.
[Because he doesn't know a trial but what he's heard sounds TERRIBLE! He needs to charge himself up for the trials ahead by moving into the red room as soon as they're in the selfie building and immediately moving to pull Buzen down so he can steal his lap without asking.]
but this is funny he truly is being pulled down immediately and he’s okay with it, just opening his arms for matsui obediently because you know sometimes your purpose in life is to comfort your matsu. D and Rang have to deal with this now??]
Mm… I can’t say I like the rules we have to play by here much.
[i like how we're complaining when really the true victim here is anna. i'd say yaywon too but she's too blind by her buzen love.
THIS IS TERRIBLE THOUGH!!!!! Touch week will end and they'll just keep touching fucking help. Matsui immediately curls into Buzen's arms, even if the mention of the rules has him bristling like a little porcupine. Well, it's partially the rules, and mostly just him thinking about Rang sending him a blood selfie before the rest of the group chat.]
Neither do I. The structure of this world is fundamentally disagreeable.
[Where's the time government to shut it down when they need it...]
Matsui is so easily appeased when it's Buzen though HELP... He goes from mildly riled to just a little huffy in like 2 seconds...]
I haven't spoken to the Reapers since that day, but I feel as though they wouldn't provide us with better answers to that question even now...
[Matsui like THIS AIN'T MY AFTERLIFE GET ME OUTTA HERE!!!!
He doesn't really have anything to say about that last part that isn't pessimistic though, so he simply does not say anything and just buries his face against Buzen.]
[STOP SOOTHING HIM HE WANTS TO BE ANGY!!!! No okay what he wants is for Buzen to keep spoiling him which he's getting without any effort, so he guesses he can be less huffy...]
It does feel very... tangible.
[Weird. He has probably not thought of time in weeks for a longass while. Even the days they've been here have passed by in a blink to him.]
But that's fair enough. I was intending to speak with them but the time got away from me, and it seems they aren't available today.
Do you think so? [A little thoughtful hum. He's heard a lot of theories about why they're timing things like this, but this is one that resonates.]
That would make sense. The weight of erasure should be fully felt. After all, even if only one person erased Hikari, we all technically benefit.
[That's a fucking depressing way of looking at it but also true. Matsui isn't exactly grieving the loss of essentially a stranger, but he's already a morose guy, so it makes sense to him to take time out and sit with what's happened.]
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Likewise, he does hold a little more tightly, though.]
Yes. People are lost and struggling... Unsurprisingly, several were unprepared.
[THIS is EXACTLY WHY HE WAS WORRIED.]
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[he sighs at that, a heavy thing]
It's too bad. Peace is what I would want for people... but then when war comes for them, they're almost worse off...
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[Truly, no one is actually ready for violence and brutality and the taking of a life, even if they're all technically dead already. He had asked several about it and didn't have the words to explain why he was so worried when they said yes and then carried on with ignoring the very pressing reality ahead of them.
He closes his eyes, quiet for a few moments.]
...There isn't anything left for them to do but find their footing and adjust.
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[tilting his head, peering at matsui's face]
Next week, wanna try giving lessons? I don't think either of us are really the teacher types - Kotegiri's better at organizing... but at least for sparring and stuff.
It feels wrong to have so many humans here who just don't know what they're doing.
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He doesn't even like sparring, though, far preferring battle and often feeling too fearful that he'll lose control and draw the blood of a comrade even in a contained environment.]
I... don't know that I would be well suited to it, Buzen...
[He's no Okita Souji but damn. Still...]
--I can try.
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No blades. Just form, and maybe a couple punches to throw.
[since he knows matsui has a hard time holding back, and buzen doesn't want to risk that either.]
At least to give them a starting ground...
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...Alright. I'll do what I can.
[Buzen will be there with him, anyway. In the event that something goes awry, he would trust him to step in and make sure he doesn't do anything regrettable.]
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Then that's enough. Thanks, Matsu.
[because buzen does appreciate it, even knowing that matsui has all these apprehensions. he still wants to help and do what he can. it's why buzen does think that matsui is kinder than him, in the end.]
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[For the thanks, he means. It feels like the least he can do, but everything always feels like the least he can do when he's in a constant hamster wheel uphill battle of making up for his MANY GRIEVOUS SINS.
For now, he'll just be Buzen greedy and cling a little, because he's feeling a little clingy even if he's not overly-upset.]
What are you planning to do between now and tomorrow...?
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if that's what matsui's doing and what matsui's asking, to buzen it feels like there's only really once answer:]
Be with you.
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Matsui is grateful for it, though. He doesn't voice his thanks in words, but he does give Buzen another little squeeze.]
...If there's anything you want to do, I can come with you.
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I think my scouting's all done, and I've checked up on pretty much everyone... We can keep looking around, if you want, or we can go back to rest if you want.
Or head to the really red room, if it'd make you feel better.
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After a second of consideration:]
The red room. I want to go there.
[He's having some MOMENTS with people and their BLOOD PAWS, and it's not like he can even go stare at the blools quietly when everyone's gone because the blools are also gone. So. Next best thing.]
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[then he’ll untangle himself gently from matsui - but not even for long because he’s looping an arm around him as they head off to walk toward the selfie building
they’re really going to be this touchy all game now thanks mods]
Seems like we’ll have a long day tomorrow, so.
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Yes... I would rather we didn't.
[Because he doesn't know a trial but what he's heard sounds TERRIBLE! He needs to charge himself up for the trials ahead by moving into the red room as soon as they're in the selfie building and immediately moving to pull Buzen down so he can steal his lap without asking.]
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but this is funny he truly is being pulled down immediately and he’s okay with it, just opening his arms for matsui obediently because you know sometimes your purpose in life is to comfort your matsu. D and Rang have to deal with this now??]
Mm… I can’t say I like the rules we have to play by here much.
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THIS IS TERRIBLE THOUGH!!!!! Touch week will end and they'll just keep touching fucking help. Matsui immediately curls into Buzen's arms, even if the mention of the rules has him bristling like a little porcupine. Well, it's partially the rules, and mostly just him thinking about Rang sending him a blood selfie before the rest of the group chat.]
Neither do I. The structure of this world is fundamentally disagreeable.
[Where's the time government to shut it down when they need it...]
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but when he bristles buzen just rubs matsui’s back in a soothing little gesture?? like trying to appease an angy cat.]
Mm… I’m still confused about all of us ending up here but - we have to deal with it, I guess.
Though at least Nahi-chan and some other people are willing to look for an option outside the rules over the next few weeks to see what we can do…
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Matsui is so easily appeased when it's Buzen though HELP... He goes from mildly riled to just a little huffy in like 2 seconds...]
I haven't spoken to the Reapers since that day, but I feel as though they wouldn't provide us with better answers to that question even now...
[Matsui like THIS AIN'T MY AFTERLIFE GET ME OUTTA HERE!!!!
He doesn't really have anything to say about that last part that isn't pessimistic though, so he simply does not say anything and just buries his face against Buzen.]
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Maybe not… but I still want to ask and get to know them, I guess. Seven weeks actually feels like a real length of time for once.
[compared to swords who mostly measure things in years or decades,,]
If we’re all here, might as well…?
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It does feel very... tangible.
[Weird. He has probably not thought of time in weeks for a longass while. Even the days they've been here have passed by in a blink to him.]
But that's fair enough. I was intending to speak with them but the time got away from me, and it seems they aren't available today.
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[just. thoughtfully…]
Seems like today was just to let us learn a little bit and then… sit with it…?
[so much time for emotions,,]
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Do you think so? [A little thoughtful hum. He's heard a lot of theories about why they're timing things like this, but this is one that resonates.]
That would make sense. The weight of erasure should be fully felt. After all, even if only one person erased Hikari, we all technically benefit.
[That's a fucking depressing way of looking at it but also true. Matsui isn't exactly grieving the loss of essentially a stranger, but he's already a morose guy, so it makes sense to him to take time out and sit with what's happened.]