Mm... Pretty sad Hika-san was the first to go, even if I guess I'm not as surprised as I could be that someone already chose erasure as their strategy.
Mostly I'm pretty worried for everyone else. I don't know how much people are or aren't used to dangerous situations like this.
[a little more softly, like he doesn't want to admit it, but it's also hard to deny, right?]
A blade can be used to protect and save - but the method is still violent. I can't shy away from that. And in the end, for most of my existence, who and what I cut wasn't a choice I got to make.
But I don't want to sound callous about death. I don't mean to make it sound like I don't care... I'm sorry if I did.
[a thoughtful look passes through his expression for a moment before he just hums faintly]
Maybe. But I don't blame anyone... Humans don't often think about their objects that deeply - it's just about how we can serve them, and I don't mind that either.
[but he'll reach out to hold onto her hand, partially because it's touch week and mostly because it's buzen.]
No - there's never been a way to communicate that. And... sometimes, it just feels nice to feel like you're being used instead of forgotten. It's a complicated feeling.
[but he just laughs faintly]
I think I do. It's never for sure, especially given who and what I am.
Even here, I do. I get to be in this body for just a bit longer, and do what I want, with the people I'd like to be with. And if I choose to protect, then it's my own blade in my own two hands.
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
no subject
Not a scratch on me. Same for you, right?
no subject
[he looks visibly relieved that she's not harmed]
That's good - even if the rest of the day is still pretty bad.
no subject
[unhappy... but she glances up towards him]
How're you feeling?
no subject
Mm... Pretty sad Hika-san was the first to go, even if I guess I'm not as surprised as I could be that someone already chose erasure as their strategy.
Mostly I'm pretty worried for everyone else. I don't know how much people are or aren't used to dangerous situations like this.
no subject
[...]
It's messed up that someone jumped to this the exact moment they could.
no subject
[and it was a type of person buzen liked!]
But... yeah. I wish they didn't, but they must have a really strong wish to get back.
no subject
no subject
Mm... Excuse? To me, not really. Killing is killing. You have to be prepared to carry the weight of what you did.
But some people are going to think it's worth it.
no subject
no subject
You shouldn't be. I don't want you to be.
I don't— [he pauses, trying to find the words] ... I don't want anyone to be as used to death as I am.
[sometimes you're well aware your coping mechanisms are pretty bad]
no subject
It would make sense if you've seen it a lot, I guess.
no subject
[a little more softly, like he doesn't want to admit it, but it's also hard to deny, right?]
A blade can be used to protect and save - but the method is still violent. I can't shy away from that. And in the end, for most of my existence, who and what I cut wasn't a choice I got to make.
But I don't want to sound callous about death. I don't mean to make it sound like I don't care... I'm sorry if I did.
no subject
[pausing]
Not you, but just - the idea that you had a choice that monumental taken away from you, time and time again.
no subject
Well, it's what I was made for. No one wants a dull blade that is choosy about what it cuts.
no subject
no subject
Maybe. But I don't blame anyone... Humans don't often think about their objects that deeply - it's just about how we can serve them, and I don't mind that either.
[but he'll reach out to hold onto her hand, partially because it's touch week and mostly because it's buzen.]
But thanks. For caring about me.
no subject
[handholding achieved once more]
You don't have to thank anyone for that, you know.
no subject
[but he just laughs faintly]
I think I do. It's never for sure, especially given who and what I am.
no subject
[biting her lip]
no subject
[ . . . he looks contemplative at that, as if he'd never considered it]
It's all I've ever known until recently, I guess.
no subject
no subject
I do.
Even here, I do. I get to be in this body for just a bit longer, and do what I want, with the people I'd like to be with. And if I choose to protect, then it's my own blade in my own two hands.
So I think that's enough.