it's been like 6 years and i'm still scared of monika

[hasteful]

Comments

week one, saturday.

[rewriter]

[I'M SHAKING... where's buzen!! monika will go looking for him after the real slim shady refuses to stand up.]

[hasteful]

[outside cathedral! he's just hanging out

when he sees monika approach, he offers up a cautious smile like he's not sure if she wants to see him]

I can get out of here if you want a spot to think.

[rewriter]

... You don't have to do that.

[she watches him, frowning.]

Were you telling the truth, Zen?

[hasteful]

[ah

he nods at that]

The whole way through - the only things that I couldn't outright say are that it was my team, we definitely did it, and I knew because I found out yesterday.

[though there is a very poignant note of anger as he gets to the end of that sentence]

... but if I could've, I would've.

[he was trying to snitch the entire trial,]

[rewriter]

[... she sighs.]

I thought it was a little weird that you and Matsui were so insistent that we consider your team.

[the swords... are truly good(?) beans.]

Were you physically incapable of confessing or something?

[hasteful]

[he shakes his head at that]

I almost wish that would've been the case - it was... really hard, Moni-chan. And I know I don't get to complain but...

[his expression looks a little lost for a second - he's really a huge idiot, so imagine how hard it was for him to try to communicate]

One of the rules says trial can't be easy, but it doesn't say what the consequences are. I just... I need you to know that if it would've just been me to get hurt, I would've broken it. If it would've been my team, I still would've broken it.

But I wasn't sure - and I couldn't put everyone else at risk. So I just... tried my best to try to say what I could.

I'm sorry it still wasn't very good.

[rewriter]

... I'm so sorry. I can't even begin to imagine how you guys must feel after having to keep that to yourself all day.

You're a really good person, you know? Most people wouldn't have bothered to try at all.

[hasteful]

[the apology in return gets buzen's eyes to widen - in surprise and concern both. automatically, he starts shaking his head as if trying to deny the apology]

Moni-chan, you can't—

No, I... [his expression looks so complicated and confused. he's lost all over again] ... I don't feel like a good person. I don't want you to say sorry to me.

[rewriter]

I'm not taking it back.

[firmly. she makes to look at him straight in the eyes as she says this.]

You have more guts than the majority of us ever will. Not everyone would be willing to right a wrong when it means shooting themselves in the foot, you know?

[hasteful]

[he winces a little bit - please take it back!!

but also...]

... you're really kind, Moni-chan. I still want to say sorry even more, but... thanks, too.

I hope that I can feel like I've earned these words from you. I promise I'll keep working even harder than this.

[rewriter]

Ahaha, I'm not. Not really.

[she smiles, just a little.]

Don't beat up yourself too hard for someone else's choice, okay? It's fine to take responsibility for your teammate as a group, but it's not like you decided on this together.

[hasteful]

[he nods at that... it's true. they didn't.]

I don't know about beating myself up but... I'll at least try not to bring everyone down. I still want to try to make up for it, but—

... yeah. I know everyone's being really kind. I don't want to ignore that.