[objects becoming people is still new to him, but... well. he's seen a machine start to become more human, so it really doesn't seem so farfetched-- like something that could happen without it being an abnormality of some kind.]
...yeah, I think I get it. The comrades you talked about are probably the same, right?
Touch is kind of a new sensation - to hold onto things, instead of just being held. But mostly the emotions part... Having a heart really lays my comrades out sometimes. They really struggle with it.
I always used enkephalin, but there's probably other stuff that works... it does make you hallucinate at first, though, you gotta build a little tolerance.
...uh... [hm. right. he was an object before.] Sort of like alcohol, but it's a lot stronger, and instead of making you emotional it just... dulls all of it.
[does he know what drugs are? is this a bad idea? HM.]
...I don't know, on second thought I'm not sure one of you guys could handle a bad trip.
...only temporary suppression, if you don't keep using it. I actually haven't in a while, but... it used to be the only way I could get through the day.
Going without is a little easier now. It's just an easy way to deal with them, if you can't make it work any other way.
[a little pause on buzen's end, but he'll squeeze netzach's shoulder in a little comforting gesture]
If it ever gets too hard... we don't have to talk about what the feelings are, if you don't want to but - I'll be around, you know. If you don't want to deal with them by yourself.
[the question surprises him a little bit - but he shakes his head]
... no, not really. Even if sometimes, it hurts - when you're used to cut down someone you don't want to. When you don't agree with the way a battle goes, but you don't have hands or a mouth to argue.
[his voice gets a little faraway when he says it, as though caught in a memory]
But even when I've had to cut down someone I like... I've never loved humans any less.
[mmm... he decides he needs to take a seat for this one, so he just finds a good spot and flops right down. floor time.]
...I kind of wondered whether it was harder or easier that way, I guess. I do have the capability to argue against it, but I still don't really have a choice in whether people die or not. I just have to fight them anyway, even if I hate it.
I never really thought about whether my sword might feel the same way or not.
[a moment or two of hesitation follows, there.]
Would it bother you? If the person using you to kill was someone who could barely work up the motivation to swing you at all?
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[objects becoming people is still new to him, but... well. he's seen a machine start to become more human, so it really doesn't seem so farfetched-- like something that could happen without it being an abnormality of some kind.]
...yeah, I think I get it. The comrades you talked about are probably the same, right?
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[nodding happily, wow he's so pleased he did a good job explaining]
You got it exactly.
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Was it weird?
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And I know some weirdos.
[be nice,]
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[buzen, perplexed: you live like this?]
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Touch is kind of a new sensation - to hold onto things, instead of just being held. But mostly the emotions part... Having a heart really lays my comrades out sometimes. They really struggle with it.
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Fix how?
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I don't know what this means.
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[does he know what drugs are? is this a bad idea? HM.]
...I don't know, on second thought I'm not sure one of you guys could handle a bad trip.
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[THE SPEED OF THIS ANSWER]
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[NO DRUGS FOR MATSUI,]
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[PHEW.
but then he's a little quiet, thoughtful]
That's how you deal with it? Your emotions. [a beat] If you don't get any of that stuff here... are they gonna start coming back?
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Going without is a little easier now. It's just an easy way to deal with them, if you can't make it work any other way.
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[a little pause on buzen's end, but he'll squeeze netzach's shoulder in a little comforting gesture]
If it ever gets too hard... we don't have to talk about what the feelings are, if you don't want to but - I'll be around, you know. If you don't want to deal with them by yourself.
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[gesturing to the last bottle of beer he has in one of his jacket pockets.]
Might ask those guys if I can get any paint, or something... just work it all out on a canvas when I need to.
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Mm, guess so... but my offer will still be here! I just don't like leaving people alone during tough times, you know?
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[given that they're weapons and all.]
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I mean... I exist because of people, and I'm forged for them. Why wouldn't I care for them?
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... no, not really. Even if sometimes, it hurts - when you're used to cut down someone you don't want to. When you don't agree with the way a battle goes, but you don't have hands or a mouth to argue.
[his voice gets a little faraway when he says it, as though caught in a memory]
But even when I've had to cut down someone I like... I've never loved humans any less.
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...I kind of wondered whether it was harder or easier that way, I guess. I do have the capability to argue against it, but I still don't really have a choice in whether people die or not. I just have to fight them anyway, even if I hate it.
I never really thought about whether my sword might feel the same way or not.
[a moment or two of hesitation follows, there.]
Would it bother you? If the person using you to kill was someone who could barely work up the motivation to swing you at all?
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