[that's kind of nice... his head tilts into it a little. the bun he keeps it in is pretty loose, there's a good chance it's going to give up if buzen messes with his hair much.]
Yeah, they do. And we're all from different places, too, so... we all probably have different reasons for seeing things that way.
[he accepts this, holding still so he doesn't dislodge buzen.]
One where there's no hope for things to improve, I think. What I'm used to is already... most people in the City don't have any hopes, anyway, but there's still a chance that it could change.
...I do. That's the only way I've kept going-- the hope that what we've been trying to do is going to make things better, in the end. That continuing to live will have been worth it.
[ . . . he gets it. not quite the same - because he believes inherently that what they do in history is right. he knows that they are making things better.
what he doesn't know is if they will win, in the end.
still, he's quiet for a moment, and listens to the quiet sound of shared breath even in the afterlife.]
Okay.
Then I'll hold your hope with you, Netz-san. So you can make it back, and then say at the very end - that everything was worth it.
[he admits it a little more quietly, like he's still not sure how safe it is to admit.]
Gou no Yoshihiro produced a number of works... and even then, not all of them are in out Citadel. A lot of us are - six right now. But there's at least two more... and I thought it was fine to be patient.
'We'll all be together someday,' I thought. I didn't realize it was a wish until it was gone.
[buzen never asks for anything from anyone -
but it figures that when he does, it's something big like 'more time'.]
...guess sometimes you don't realize until you lose something, right? I never knew I wanted to live, until I'd already died once.
[much as i doubt the city has sayings like 'you don't know what you have until it's gone', he still gets the sentiment. that feeling-- it's something familiar.]
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
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Yo, Netz-san. How are you managing?
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[he's high, is the reason. but he just shrugs a little.]
Dunno how tomorrow is going to go.
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... one of your teammates, right? That's hard, too.
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...yeah. We didn't know.
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okay.
buzen is just going to move to sit next to netzach then and - ] I'm going to touch you, Netz-san.
[as a warning since he seems high as a kite? but then buzen will just put an arm around his shoulders and encourage netzach to lean on him]
... yeah. I figured you probably didn't.
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[he doesn't mind this at all? this is nice. he leans on him easily, pretty much just going boneless.]
I guess it makes sense. We're all still new to each other... hard to just trust other people with something like that, even if we're on a team.
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... do you wish she told you?
Would you have covered for her?
[at least his voice is clearly only curious - there's not a trace of judgment in it]
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[he can admit that it's not an outright no i would never.]
I don't even know if I'd rather have had to make that choice, instead of not having it at all. I'd have been afraid it would be the wrong one.
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I'm gonna be honest, Netz-san...
I'm not sure what counts as 'right' or 'wrong' here anymore - not when everyone has different measures of what it all looks like.
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Yeah, they do. And we're all from different places, too, so... we all probably have different reasons for seeing things that way.
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as careful as he can be - he'll just keep trying to avoid the bun but well, if it happens, it happens.]
What would make something wrong to you, Netz-san? If you regretted it? If more people got hurt...?
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...I guess it's wrong if it makes the world worse.
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... what's a worse world look like?
[buzen has his own ideas but... what if they're not the same?]
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One where there's no hope for things to improve, I think. What I'm used to is already... most people in the City don't have any hopes, anyway, but there's still a chance that it could change.
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What about you?
Do you have hope?
[they talked about it before - what it meant to hope versus what it meant to expect something.
but he didn't think that he asked so directly.]
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[despite everything.]
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what he doesn't know is if they will win, in the end.
still, he's quiet for a moment, and listens to the quiet sound of shared breath even in the afterlife.]
Okay.
Then I'll hold your hope with you, Netz-san. So you can make it back, and then say at the very end - that everything was worth it.
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[he exhales a slow breath, steady enough despite his intoxication.]
What about you? Do you have anything like that?
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[he admits it a little more quietly, like he's still not sure how safe it is to admit.]
Gou no Yoshihiro produced a number of works... and even then, not all of them are in out Citadel. A lot of us are - six right now. But there's at least two more... and I thought it was fine to be patient.
'We'll all be together someday,' I thought. I didn't realize it was a wish until it was gone.
[buzen never asks for anything from anyone -
but it figures that when he does, it's something big like 'more time'.]
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[much as i doubt the city has sayings like 'you don't know what you have until it's gone', he still gets the sentiment. that feeling-- it's something familiar.]
I hope you do get to see them, though.
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[ . . . but he also just can't help but think - ]
Even if, at the same time, no one should ever have to justify wanting to exist. Wanting to live.
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I wanted to hear it. The reasons people have for living. I kinda hoped it'd help me find people I felt like I could work with.