He's not sure what's worse, someone taking this in stride like Buzen, or someone who crumples onto the ground in fear and uncertainty. He supposes he is like Buzen in this regard and always has been; it's funny to be on the receiving end of it.]
[His brows lower pensively, like he's trying very hard not to consider any of this while having a conversation. It feels... like he's standing on a thread-thin precipice, and any thought to it will cast him away from his duty.
He turns his head away.]
I thought... there may be another way, but humans never change.
[though he feels like he owes something - to at least explain why he brought it up in the way he did, when buzen isn't otherwise the type to ask about difficult things]
... we're similar, in a way. We have our mission to protect humans, but more than that to protect history as it is. Even if we want to deviate, and save people, we can't. Or else everything else will be ruined... and even our very souls might corrupt.
But sometimes I think about it... when humans might do something I can't stand.
[After a moment, he looks back at Buzen once more.]
I had a dream once... that my grandfather forbade me from helping the animals I could hear suffering. The birds who were caught up in the rolling flames of a forest fire. He told me... those who lose the fight die, and we cannot change their destiny. There was a mother who told me to save her baby, but I couldn't.
Then I had another dream a little later. Someone in a small voice was calling for help in a charred forest. I could see... my father through the smoke, holding a baby bird. He said if I had only reached out, I could have saved it. And then he gave it to me and told me not to lose sight of it again.
I can only save the animals before they're gone, but... it is not my place to save the humans.
[ . . . he just smiles faintly at that. it's genuine, if a bit sad.]
It's not mine either. Even if I want to.
[buzen seeks to protect humanity, not humans. history, not humans. in the way that d makes them remember what they've done and punish them for those sins, buzen knows that he could never actually interfere. their ideals are different.
but in the end, it's d that might get to actually do what he wants.]
I have to follow the rules of the first dream... and only the first dream.
So... I'm glad - if there are others that you can save, and that's the way your will can still show up in the world.
[Well, strangely, in this regard, they finally all meet in the middle. They can’t save the humans, or they don’t want to save the humans… but they’ve found, somewhere in the thick of it, how important humanity can be with all of its faults.
Is that what pieces all of them together here in Shibuya? Humanity?]
We protect all life, the living. It’s just… humans have not understood yet what life truly is, their lives and the lives of all around them.
I’m not sure if they will understand before it’s too late… before they leave the world as a desolate husk where nothing can survive, not even themselves.
that manages to pull a slightly more wry smile from buzen.]
... sometimes they don't. Sometimes—
[this is barely buzen's memory because he's only in the periphery but kuwana's song is so cute and the sentiments are so adorable and relevant to this conversation so maybe it's like this is happening in the background and buzen is watching when not chasing a gopher
[NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO RATSHAKES THIS MEMORY BEGONE SAD SONG ABOUT THE EARTH
This memory hurts him so!! It hurts more than seeing the apparitions of all the animals and the life of the planet, more than hearing their faint and distant cries to save them. Maybe Buzen can have a memory like that later as a treat.
When it ends, he draws in a soft breath of air, like the start of a gasp... but it's only his chest which deflates slowly.]
I... fear. I fear it will be as silent as the grave.
[give me mem later... mem pingpong. but. buzen will just pause at that before looking over at d and just reaching out to put a hand on his shoulder like that'll help stabilize him a little? whoa there.]
... you okay, Dee-san?
I guess I didn't realize how tough looking at a mission like that could be...
[The hand’s weight startles him, but not, like, badly. A jump of refocus.
He looks so mortified when he faces Buzen; the idea of a silent planet seems to strike such fear and sorrow in him. The tension melts away ever so slightly.]
I’m alright. I just did not expect to hear… such a quiet planet.
[ . . . buzen's smile is sheepish, but understanding.]
... I don't know if it helps, but not everything goes away. I saw my first gopher there, after all. Some animals manage and persist. We got sent back there to build roads, and Kuwa planted some seeds...
Who knows? Maybe someone will use them, and enjoy those blossoms.
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
no subject
buzen still looks a little confused, but. in the end, he does want to understand better]
... if there's anything you don't want to tell me, that's okay. I just... feel like there's still a lot I don't understand.
So you and the - other one, you called your Father - have the same mission? To punish humans for all the ones that they still choose to hurt.
no subject
He's not sure what's worse, someone taking this in stride like Buzen, or someone who crumples onto the ground in fear and uncertainty. He supposes he is like Buzen in this regard and always has been; it's funny to be on the receiving end of it.]
My grandfather, too. [...] I thought...
[He does not finish exactly.]
I cannot stray.
no subject
Do you think about it?
Sometimes.
Even if you can't help what you are, and you can't choose to be anything else.
no subject
He turns his head away.]
I thought... there may be another way, but humans never change.
no subject
They don't. For better and for worse.
[though he feels like he owes something - to at least explain why he brought it up in the way he did, when buzen isn't otherwise the type to ask about difficult things]
... we're similar, in a way. We have our mission to protect humans, but more than that to protect history as it is. Even if we want to deviate, and save people, we can't. Or else everything else will be ruined... and even our very souls might corrupt.
But sometimes I think about it... when humans might do something I can't stand.
no subject
I had a dream once... that my grandfather forbade me from helping the animals I could hear suffering. The birds who were caught up in the rolling flames of a forest fire. He told me... those who lose the fight die, and we cannot change their destiny. There was a mother who told me to save her baby, but I couldn't.
Then I had another dream a little later. Someone in a small voice was calling for help in a charred forest. I could see... my father through the smoke, holding a baby bird. He said if I had only reached out, I could have saved it. And then he gave it to me and told me not to lose sight of it again.
I can only save the animals before they're gone, but... it is not my place to save the humans.
no subject
It's not mine either. Even if I want to.
[buzen seeks to protect humanity, not humans. history, not humans. in the way that d makes them remember what they've done and punish them for those sins, buzen knows that he could never actually interfere. their ideals are different.
but in the end, it's d that might get to actually do what he wants.]
I have to follow the rules of the first dream... and only the first dream.
So... I'm glad - if there are others that you can save, and that's the way your will can still show up in the world.
no subject
Is that what pieces all of them together here in Shibuya? Humanity?]
We protect all life, the living. It’s just… humans have not understood yet what life truly is, their lives and the lives of all around them.
I’m not sure if they will understand before it’s too late… before they leave the world as a desolate husk where nothing can survive, not even themselves.
no subject
that manages to pull a slightly more wry smile from buzen.]
... sometimes they don't. Sometimes—
[this is barely buzen's memory because he's only in the periphery but kuwana's song is so cute and the sentiments are so adorable and relevant to this conversation so maybe it's like this is happening in the background and buzen is watching when not chasing a gopher
tehe]
no subject
This memory hurts him so!! It hurts more than seeing the apparitions of all the animals and the life of the planet, more than hearing their faint and distant cries to save them. Maybe Buzen can have a memory like that later as a treat.
When it ends, he draws in a soft breath of air, like the start of a gasp... but it's only his chest which deflates slowly.]
I... fear. I fear it will be as silent as the grave.
no subject
... you okay, Dee-san?
I guess I didn't realize how tough looking at a mission like that could be...
no subject
He looks so mortified when he faces Buzen; the idea of a silent planet seems to strike such fear and sorrow in him. The tension melts away ever so slightly.]
I’m alright. I just did not expect to hear… such a quiet planet.
no subject
... I don't know if it helps, but not everything goes away. I saw my first gopher there, after all. Some animals manage and persist. We got sent back there to build roads, and Kuwa planted some seeds...
Who knows? Maybe someone will use them, and enjoy those blossoms.
But you're right. It's kinda... dark, huh.