hasteful | roxana for endgame!!!! (aspirational)

I'm sure it's whatever the new week brings.

[ she just doesn't want to think about what it means. ]

I don't think it can be stopped.

[ just like her other kind of cough. ]

[the look on his face is a clearly befuddled 'am i next?' but overall he's very displeased with this answer]

.... do you want water? Tea? To at least help your throat...

At least until we can figure out what the cause is... If it's the new weekly effect, then if it's not hitting me as hard then there has to be a reason....?

[it's because buzen's stupider than he is........... intelligence nerf.........]

[ That gives her some idea, if he's not suffering like she is. She doesn't like this either.

She sighs. ]

Let's get some tea. I don't think this will stop, if it's the difference between you and me.

[ But Roxana likes tea, and she wants the distraction. ]

[ . . . . . . . ]

.... I wonder if it's a sign that I need to start trying harder....

[to be like. smart. either way he'll offer her his hand... and then pause, reconsider, and then offer her his arm???? for their walk????

he doesn't know which......]

[ help, his int value is actually not attractive. this needs to be clear. she looks at him for a moment before she takes his arm. ]

You do need to try harder, but you are who you are.

Ryu-san offered to teach me more about language?

[but if she'll take his arm then he'll lead her over to... where can they get tea here.... applebee's? does applebee's serve tea???????]

Well, I don't hate learning. I don't know if I'm a sword cut out for scholarly works, though.

[ can't wait for some applebee's iced tea. ]

That's a step in the right direction. You don't need to be scholarly. You just... should have a little more critical thinking.

[ doubt people more. doubt her. she coughs up some lilac petals. ]

[frowning... he'll focus some color and try to conjure up a little handkerchief to hold out to her? for your coughs....]

Should I be thinking critically about your condition...

Um, do these flowers mean anything to you?

[??? lilacs????]

[ She takes the handkerchief, but she doesn't know how much good it'll do. She wants to leave these flowers behind. ]

No.

[ How many lilac petals does she have to cough up to indicate she's a lying liar who lies? ]

They mean nothing.

[

help,]

Ro-san, why are you lying...

[also instead of applebee's i've decided they're going to where the living sent them tea packets because that's better,,]

[ applebee's would've been funny. they could've chased it with a dirty shirley.

she coughs again. wow, these petals look like stone.

she doesn't say anything, just keeps walking. ]

[A DIRTY WHAT i'm googling this

. . . . buzen's expression just turns more complicated at this.]

... is it really worth it to keep coughing instead of just talking to me...?

[ i hope you have found out about this innocent alcoholic drink

Wow, look, there's the tea they've newly been given. Wow, look, Roxana is setting about making some tea. ]

What is there to talk about?

[he watches her make tea and only doesn't offer to take it from her because he assumes she's using it as a distraction]

You're coughing purple flowers. [a beat] Umm, I don't know what kind they are...

But I feel like discussing it couldn't be worse than you feeling uncomfortable... Am I a bad person to talk to?

[ his assumption is right. tea is made and steeping. ]

It doesn't matter if you are or you aren't. There are some things I simply don't want to say.

[ah.......... buzen's natural enemy: when people very clearly express to him their boundary]

... well, I normally don't really want to push you. [ . . . ] But I think there are some things that should be faced instead of ignored.

Even if it's just us, you'd rather hurt your throat on flowers, Ro-san?

[ who taught buzen to push while he was dead? she frowns. ]

Does it make a difference, even if it's just us?

[ she's so mean. ]

I don't need to talk about it to know what my feelings are.

[ she knows what she's feeling. she just can't do anything about it. or she won't. ]

[the difference is now there is a clear physical manifestation of her feelings as opposed to before when he couldn't tell if something was wrong except for a hunch?

but even if she's mean, he shrugs. he's not offended.]

If you'll keep my secrets, I'll keep yours. I've already given myself to you to use... so I don't know if there's anything else I can do to prove that I just want you to be alright. [so,] I was hoping that'd be the difference if it's just us.

... and if your feelings are choking you... I don't think I'm supposed to just stand by and accept that either.

[ She pours herself a cup of tea. ]

What do you expect to change, if I say something?

[ She can tell him what's going on with her emotions and what she does with them, but that doesn't mean she won't keep suppressing them. ]

You know a little of what my life is like. My family is neither normal nor functional. If I don't keep my emotions where no one can see them, I end up dead.

[ It's all said very perfunctorily. ]

[ah - there's a moment of sharpness from buzen. not quite in his tone, but in the clear shift in tension in his shoulders as he starts - ] I'm not asking you to do anything to compromise your safety. I never would.

[ . . . ]

And I don't mean to ask you to change... or anything like that. If this is what you need to do to survive back home, then why would I do that...

But we're here, and it's different. Keeping things inside... it's what's making the flowers appear, right? [if he could hazard a guess] Even if there are things you'll hide from other people, I won't push you to be any different.

I'd just feel like I'd be failing - if I let you keep being inconvenienced when I'm supposed to be here for you.

[ Her demeanor softens. ]

You aren't failing me. I know you'll support me in whatever way you can. I can't undo years of my life in weeks.

[ And she doesn't want to. ]

A little coughing won't hurt me.

[ She's used to it. ]

[ . . . hmm. he holds his hand out to her, palm up, but keeps it resting against the counter. just in case she wants to take it.]

... but it's not good for you. Even if you say that, I can't accept it. I want you to be in good health.

[there's a slight pause, as he seems to weigh if he wants to continue, but.]

And... I also think there are things that people should face. Not just humans, but swords. I told you before that there are things I wish I could've done, to support my comrades better. To ease some of what they were holding, before it broke them.

I don't think things would have to change if you told me - but I can at least promise that it won't get any worse, no matter what you say. I'd like to not have any regrets, when it comes to you.

[ She looks at his hand, but she doesn't take it, not yet. She has been drinking poison for years. She is past the point of being in good health.

It's a sweet sentiment, though. ]

I already know what I have to face.

[ There is no coughing. It is true until she accomplishes her two goals, if they ever get to leave the prism. ]

I'm not honest with my feelings. That isn't the problem. [ It's not the main problem. ] I already know this about myself. I'm not running away from that.

[ It's just another self-destructive choice of hers. ]

[he's not in any particular rush - not this time, at least. he'll keep his hand held out to her even as he rests his chin in the other, tilting his head]

.... then what do you see as the problem?

And why do you think you need to keep being dishonest even with people who care about you and accept you for who you are?

[ ... ]

What would you have done, if I were the one who killed Meteion? What if I had gone after Itsuki instead of Garou? What if I asked you to take those two lives?

[ She takes a drink of tea. ]

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