[a soft, affirming noise and he'll just nuzzle briefly into matsui's palm before opening his eyes and meeting his gaze with a fond gaze.]
Yeah. Which is good, because I was getting tired of feeling like you're too far away. I hate that the most, you know?
[and then he'll just lean over to nuzzle his face against matsui's, just to prove a point. it's touch week, but buzen is truly already so tactile all the time! this has just made him into such a cuddle monster it's funny.]
[HE IS A CUDDLE MONSTER AND IT'S MADE MATSUI TOO BUZEN GREEDY!! THIS IS A NIGHTMARE!!! IT'S WEEK 0!!!! THEY'RE STILL NOT GOING TO END UP SUCCEEDING IN SAILING A SHIP!!!!
But at least Matsui is satisfied even with just this, because he's a simple sword at heart. He folds Buzen up into his arms and cuddles into him for a moment, and this is normally where he'd breathe in his familiar smell but they probably all smell like burger grease by now.]
You don't have to. [THEY HAVE TO EAT. Maybe he wants to be greedy for another few seconds, though. Just to show Buzen that he's not too far away anymore.]
...But it's important for you to keep your blood sugar level even.
but buzen just laughs at that - and he's still not letting go. okay. instead he just matches matsui, cuddle for cuddle. this gou snuggle pile is disgusting. so is what buzen says next.]
[YEAH!!!!! I FUCKING HATE IT HERE SO BAD. THIS IS SO TERRIBLE THEY'RE STANDING RIGHT OUTSIDE OF THE MCDONALDS imagine leaving from your first trial in a depressed tizzy and you almost crash right into two swords that are having a cuddlefest right out the door.]
I can't go like this, Buzen...
[LITERALLY. But also he doesn't want to. THEY'RE BOTH SO FUCKING STUPID.]
[buzen disassociated and he literally was like you know what will solve my existential crisis. cuddling matsui until we both stop being sad about it. it seems to have worked.
[HOW DID THIS SAVE ANYTHING THEY'RE STILL IN PHYSICAL CONTAAAAAACT
Anyway they may roughly be the same height but Matsui weighs less so this is probably unfortunately doable, even if he yelps at being lifted so suddenly.]
Buzen—!
[CLUTCHING HIM. DO NOT DROP. Or do because that would also be hilarious.]
Can I make healthy blood tomorrow? I'm wiped today.
[he just wants SUGAR, matsu. but also i hate this i guess he'll go to find a table buT HE DOESN'T WANT TO LOSE
he like ALMOST puts matsui down in a chair to deposit him before realizing that would be his LOSS so he just picks him up again.... and then puts matsui in his lap
[i hate it here so bad. WELL. HE'S NOT ABOUT TO MOVE. He's not even competing in any way at this point, he's truly just vibin in comfort. He shifts as Buzen settles so that he can just tuck himself against Buzen and also like kinda sorta try to give him some room to eat??? HELP????]
If you must.
[Your BLOOD, BUZEN!!! He says this like he's so put-upon, why is he such a freak.]
[this is so stupid they are boyfriend behavior but in all the worst ways. buzen is just going to start tearing into this cinnamon roll because his sweet tooth is so much.
he will also tear off a very tiny piece with less sugar and offer it to matsui to eat. have some.]
... how are you feeling about the rest of today, Matsu?
[IT TOOK US SO LONG JUST TO GET THEM TO TALK ABOUT THISSSSS]
[They really just had to be so fucking stupid first I SAY AS IF THEY AREN'T STILL BEING STUPID. Matsui will eat this tiny less sugary piece of cinnamon roll that he's offered and chew it thoughtfully while he considers the Everything. Just. The Everything.]
...On a whole? It isn't far from what I was expecting.
[Being pessimistic and nihilistic really does save a person a lot of grief and headache in these kinds of situations! For better or for worse!]
[He's really going to be contemplating blood and the weight of human sin while sitting comfortably and stupidly in Buzen's lap.]
...At the very least, it seems that we'll be able to move past the stage where people believe they're prepared but aren't.
[Matsui out here like "so many of you punks were saying you'd be ready for what's ahead but I KNOW BETTER!!!" and then he was right and he's not surprised.]
[He also thinks a lot of it is just good old-fashioned overestimation. No one really knows how they'll react to a situation until they're in deep, for better or for worse. Plenty of people had to come to some pretty ugly conclusions today, he's fairly certain.
Absently, he reaches up so he can card his fingers through the hair at the back of Buzen's head, propping his chin against his shoulder as he looks out into Ikea.]
It's troubling, being unable to help them in times like this.
[when matsui rests on him, buzen just holds him a bit closer, trying to keep him comfortable. he thinks about that sentiment - their inability to help humans during these troubling times and.
well.]
... I'm not all that bright, so I don't know how many answers or things I can help people with anyway. Most of that trial went over my head... I wasn't sure what was going on.
So I think that sometimes just... sitting people so that they're not alone is all I can do.
'cause it stings worse, I think - to be left with nothing but you, your thoughts, and the consequences of your actions.
[the contrast between this and what's happening monday is truly so funny
Anyway, those words hit and hurt a little just because of how true they are, as far as he knows it to be. Being alone with your thoughts and the consequences of your actions is a terrible thing actually!! He closes his eyes, quiet for a moment or two. Do you ever think about how Matsui has blood vision due to the sheer force of his trauma but also probably has nightmares so he's never at rest whether his eyes are open or closed because i do.]
...You're probably right. I think that comfort alone is better than nothing. [Giving him a light little nudge.] And yours is a comforting presence.
[ . . . buzen will just pause then, letting his fingers run through matsui's hair when he goes quiet. he doesn't rush him for an answer, and just hums faintly.]
So is yours, you know.
You're honest, and don't mince words - but you're not unkind about it. I always feel better when I get to be with you.
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Yeah. Which is good, because I was getting tired of feeling like you're too far away. I hate that the most, you know?
[and then he'll just lean over to nuzzle his face against matsui's, just to prove a point. it's touch week, but buzen is truly already so tactile all the time! this has just made him into such a cuddle monster it's funny.]
Guess I should let you go so we can eat, though.
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But at least Matsui is satisfied even with just this, because he's a simple sword at heart. He folds Buzen up into his arms and cuddles into him for a moment, and this is normally where he'd breathe in his familiar smell but they probably all smell like burger grease by now.]
You don't have to. [THEY HAVE TO EAT. Maybe he wants to be greedy for another few seconds, though. Just to show Buzen that he's not too far away anymore.]
...But it's important for you to keep your blood sugar level even.
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but buzen just laughs at that - and he's still not letting go. okay. instead he just matches matsui, cuddle for cuddle. this gou snuggle pile is disgusting. so is what buzen says next.]
I'll go when you go.
[(infatuated voice) haha noooo you hang up first]
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I can't go like this, Buzen...
[LITERALLY. But also he doesn't want to. THEY'RE BOTH SO FUCKING STUPID.]
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also he's just gonna keep teasing - ]
Just let go first.
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I don't want to.
[HEEEEEEELP SOMEONE KILL THEM BOTH. ACTUALLY ONLY KILL ONE OF THEM BECAUSE IF THEY BOTH GO TO THE GRAVEYARD IT'S JUST GOING TO KEEP BEING THIS.]
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anyway]
Well I won't—
[saves us by having buzen's stomach rumble. he's actually hungry.]
Oh... Hmm....
[ . . . .
what if he just
picks matsui up?]
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Anyway they may roughly be the same height but Matsui weighs less so this is probably unfortunately doable, even if he yelps at being lifted so suddenly.]
Buzen—!
[CLUTCHING HIM. DO NOT DROP. Or do because that would also be hilarious.]
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but buzen is just laughing now, powered by gremlin behavior]
Okay Matsu, I solved it!
[DID HE? he's going to start walking now, stupidly]
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But this is going to happen HE GUESSES. He huffs but otherwise curls into Buzen as he starts walking.]
You can't solve everything by carrying me...
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[now he's competitive,]
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Hm... [The faux-consideration of it all.] You're comfortable enough. This is acceptable.
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Yeah? Alright, then I'll call that good enough.
[OFF THEY GO TO IKEA LIKE THIS. I GUESS!!!!! matsui has to pick up their cinnamon roll order because buzen still isn't pUTTING HIM DOWN IG]
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You should eat something more than sugar when you get the chance, too. You can't make healthy blood with this alone.
[Gentle chiding from the vampire in Buzen's arms.]
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[he just wants SUGAR, matsu. but also i hate this i guess he'll go to find a table buT HE DOESN'T WANT TO LOSE
he like ALMOST puts matsui down in a chair to deposit him before realizing that would be his LOSS so he just picks him up again.... and then puts matsui in his lap
i hate it here]
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If you must.
[Your BLOOD, BUZEN!!! He says this like he's so put-upon, why is he such a freak.]
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he will also tear off a very tiny piece with less sugar and offer it to matsui to eat. have some.]
... how are you feeling about the rest of today, Matsu?
[IT TOOK US SO LONG JUST TO GET THEM TO TALK ABOUT THISSSSS]
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...On a whole? It isn't far from what I was expecting.
[Being pessimistic and nihilistic really does save a person a lot of grief and headache in these kinds of situations! For better or for worse!]
What did you think?
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[unlike matsui, he walked in just waiting for the next surprise - and there was a lot of them!]
... things still took me off-guard somehow though.
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...At the very least, it seems that we'll be able to move past the stage where people believe they're prepared but aren't.
[Matsui out here like "so many of you punks were saying you'd be ready for what's ahead but I KNOW BETTER!!!" and then he was right and he's not surprised.]
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It was probably easier to put on the face - I doubt they even wanted to admit to themselves that they weren’t ready…
It’s probably something they see as a weakness.
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[He also thinks a lot of it is just good old-fashioned overestimation. No one really knows how they'll react to a situation until they're in deep, for better or for worse. Plenty of people had to come to some pretty ugly conclusions today, he's fairly certain.
Absently, he reaches up so he can card his fingers through the hair at the back of Buzen's head, propping his chin against his shoulder as he looks out into Ikea.]
It's troubling, being unable to help them in times like this.
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well.]
... I'm not all that bright, so I don't know how many answers or things I can help people with anyway. Most of that trial went over my head... I wasn't sure what was going on.
So I think that sometimes just... sitting people so that they're not alone is all I can do.
'cause it stings worse, I think - to be left with nothing but you, your thoughts, and the consequences of your actions.
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Anyway, those words hit and hurt a little just because of how true they are, as far as he knows it to be. Being alone with your thoughts and the consequences of your actions is a terrible thing actually!! He closes his eyes, quiet for a moment or two. Do you ever think about how Matsui has blood vision due to the sheer force of his trauma but also probably has nightmares so he's never at rest whether his eyes are open or closed because i do.]
...You're probably right. I think that comfort alone is better than nothing. [Giving him a light little nudge.] And yours is a comforting presence.
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So is yours, you know.
You're honest, and don't mince words - but you're not unkind about it. I always feel better when I get to be with you.
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