[Unfortunately he is so fucking hot and cold. He's out here suplexing Buzen one moment and then scooting over to rest against his side the next.]
It isn't your fault.
[Said immediately because he would never fault sweet perfect beautiful stupid Buzen for anything, especially not something that is clearly RANG'S FAULT!!!! Truly the Kaveh Matsui hating Rang alliance.]
...I'm sorry, too. I didn't mean to react in such a way...
Ehh, it's okay. I don't mind. Honestly it's kinda fun to spar with you, normally you don't like it.
[so an impromptu scuffle is actually perfectly okay with this hot-blooded jock. but if matsui is going to scoot over and rest against him, then what can he do besides immediately bring a hand up around him to pet his hair?]
...I could indulge you a little more, if you enjoy it...
[Maybe he's only saying this because he feels guilty for fucking SUPLEXING BUZEN OUT OF NOWHERE and wrestling with him in front of god and satan. Glad his stupid jock self didn't mind it, though. Buzen is truly such a simple creature.
As for the unfinished question, though...
Well. Even if he's not looking, Buzen will be able to feel Matsui's head move against him in what feels like a clear headshake.]
buzen lets matsui get away with so much. even now, there is a part of him that wants to. it is the part that lets him be quiet for a long moment after that clear headshake, as if he's just willing to let the conversation be done there. they can sit in this pew in the cathedral as the sun sets, and just take in each other's company.
it's just -
before, when matsui went quiet, buzen could at least have an idea of what he was thinking about. he knows matsui's history as well as he knows the history of every other gou. he knows how hard it can be for matsui to talk about it and doesn't push - but at least he has a guess at what the root of it all is.
right now, he feels like he doesn't understand anything.
it's maybe a minute late, when he finally says softly:] I worry sometimes.
That I'm not taking care of you the right way... if there's still so much I don't understand.
[He'd have been content with this, honestly, even if it's not necessarily the best or right thing for either of them. It's part of why Kuwana riles him so badly; he pushes even though he knows Matsui hates it. Buzen doesn't. He knows they'll be able to sit in companionable silence if he asks for it in fewer words, and he doesn't mind that. Prefers it.
So it's a little surprising to him when the silence is broken, especially late as it is. He blinks, looking over, and there's some distress in his expression. The last thing he ever wants to do is make Buzen worry, or - worse yet - feel inadequate in any way. The thought is preposterous to him. Buzen may upset him sometimes, but that doesn't mean he finds Buzen lacking in any way. Especially not when he knows a lot of the distance is his own fault.]
...Please don't worry about something like that, Buzen. No one understands me better than you.
[buzen doesn't look over right away, but when he does, he still puts on a smile that's a little sheepish. normally he's pretty confident about how he looks after the gous - he doesn't think that he's a leader of any sort, but he does know he loves them and spends a lot of time thinking about their happiness. matsui's is always the trickiest, but he still thought he was pretty good at it.
but the more time that it's just the two of them and buzen finds himself befuddled in a way that he can't explain or find the cause of, he wonders if maybe he's still got more to work on?]
Right, I guess so. [they have their shared history so that's probably still true! he knows a lot about matsui. and yet - ]
... but there's something I'm missing, right? Even I can tell. [because his eq is better than his iq, and he can stare at this big void in the face even if he can't make out the shape or color of it] And if it's something really painful, then I don't want to make you talk about it.
I just... hope I can figure it out.
[even without matsui telling him, even if it's just buzen putting the pieces together on his own to try to cross that gap if matsui won't lower a bridge for him]
[This just feels like another failing on his part. One more thing he can't do properly - one more way his failings hurt other people. He reaches out, briefly resting just the tips of his fingers against the back of one of Buzen's hand, as if he can convey all of the complicated things that he can't even sort through on his own in such a simple touch.
For a few moments, he isn't even sure what to say. Rather, he isn't even sure where to begin verbalizing what he thinks he wants to say. It's a hopeless task.]
I'm... ["Sorry" doesn't feel like it cuts it here, honestly. His fingers flex a little.] ...It's--
[...He really can't do it, huh. Quietly, almost shamefully:]
the attempt, and then the fall. if he listens closely enough, catching the notes of shame and uncertainty, then he's pretty sure he can find the exact moment where matsui gives up. and buzen is quick afterward, to turn just so that he can take matsui into his arms, and bow his head in closer.]
... like I said, everyone has things they don't want to talk about. I'm not mad at you for having the same problems anyone else would. We're still learning about these bodies and feelings, right? We're allowed to take our time.
[because they are hundreds of years old. they have these bodies that are newer than even the youngest human here.]
... Thanks. For trying.
[because he heard the little cut off sentiment.]
Even if you didn't get to finish, you started. And... it already means a lot that you care enough, to start. I'll still be here, whenever you learn how to find the end.
[He doesn't know if that will ever happen. If he'll ever learn how to find the end that he wants to find - if he'll be able to put this ugly, complicated ball of emotion into words before he's erased. The thought of not getting it out frightens him, which ironically makes the words lock up even more tightly inside of himself.
He feels like he could cry. He doesn't. He rarely ever does. But he really, really feels like he could. He hides himself away in Buzen's arms like it's a sanctuary greater than the cathedral, or like it's something he actually deserves to have.]
...I want to get there. For you.
[He wants to apologize and say "thank you" at the same time, and try to explain why this is all so difficult, but since he can't... Well. He can at least vocalize one of his intentions.]
[when matsui curls into him, buzen just tries all the harder to envelope matsui entirely in his embrace. to make it impossible for him to forget that buzen is right here, holding him close and cherishing him through all of it. he rubs his back in slow, certain circles.]
... I don't think that something has to be complete to be worthwhile. I think there's still something special in the attempt.
[it's the same way that buzen doesn't think only finished castles should be considered worthwhile in history. what about the drafts of poems that get discarded, or the swords that are lost along the way? it doesn't have to be complete to be important.]
I believe in you, Matsu. I think you can do it. But at the same time... even if you get halfway - I'll be running from the other side, and meet you in the middle.
[and he'll lean his head down to nestle his face against matsui's, affectionate and steady]
None of this is anything you have to do alone. I'll be right here.
[How does he tell Buzen that that's part of what makes this all terrifying? Simple: He Does Not.
He can at least allow himself the selfishness of being close to Buzen, though. Even if he can't find the words to bridge that specific distance, he very much does feel cherished and loved when he's held like this. It's one thing he doesn't mind about their human bodies.]
I know... I know that you will be.
[But he doesn't give his mind too much space or time to dwell on it, because he'll just fall into a fuckin mire of depression otherwise and he's already given Buzen so much to suffer through today, damn. He tilts his head a little, turning into Buzen's face, the resulting motion a little like a cuddle.]
I hope that I didn't worry you overly-much, though. I just-- needed a moment.
[what can he say to that without lying? he doesn't want to make matsui feel worse, and yet he can't say that he wasn't worried. while there is a brief motion like a cuddle, buzen will just mirror it naturally and take that time to think as he nuzzles into matsui's cheek. if matsui will take an inch, then buzen will give him about a hundred miles.]
It's hard to explain... It's okay that you needed a moment, and you should definitely tell me when I need to back off so I don't bother you.
[but?]
Guess I just took it for granted, though - that you'd always want to be with me. [buzen doesn't ask for attention much? and yet, he always gets it. maybe he was the spoiled one.] So it was a little confusing to not know when it was okay to approach you...
It's really hard for me to leave you alone... I never want to. [then, a little stupidly:] Ehh, maybe I'm clingy...
[MAYBE IM CLINGY HE SAYS, WHEN MATSUI IS THE ONE THAT CANT AND WONT LEAVE HIM WITH TWO SECONDS TO HIMSELF. Normally, anyway. This week is an outlier and should not be counted.
He immediately reaches up so his arms are hooked behind Buzen's back so he can hold onto him tightly, as if that'll punctuate his following point even better.]
I would rather you be here even in moments like that. I don't want to be without you, so please don't feel like that's the case.
[Even when he's running away from Buzen, he's not really running from Buzen... Foolish.]
...It's something that will pass. It was unexpected for me, but I feel like I'll be able to react better if anything happens again.
[If Rang KISSES HIS BUZEN IN FRONT OF HIS SALAD AGAIN.]
[STOP he's so embarrassed that that was his reflexive response WHY DID HE DO THAAAT.
Except before he can say anything about it, Buzen just DROPS THAT. Just DROPS THAT IN FRONT OF GOD AND SATAN!!
He's just pulling away enough to look at Buzen like he needs to see with his own two eyes that his perfect beautiful Buzen just asked him this with his perfect beautiful mouth.]
—Hah?
[YOU CAN'T JUST ASK YOUR LOCAL M IF HE WANTS A KISSBITE.]
[NOOOOOO HOW DOES THIS DAY KEEP HITTING HIM IN THE KNEECAPS WITH UNEXPECTED BUZEN NONSENSE... His Catholicism is too thin for this.........
He barely even notices the faint pink of Buzen's cheeks which is truly saying something since that's blood there, but it's because his eyes dart away and happen to land on a saintly statue. HE HATES IT HERE. He immediately looks to the floor instead, god can't see him if he can't see god.]
...I... [Shaking his stupid jumbled head.] You just surprised me. I wasn't expecting you to ask...
[but. given that yesterday he discovered that matsui likes being?? bitten??? and someone today walked buzen through the basic logic of “maybe someone who is used to having all your attention doesn’t like seeing you share it” he attempted to put 2 and 2 together.
it might have worked actually? even tho he’s still watching matsui with a little bit of confusion.
he runs his fingers through matsui’s hair to try to reclaim some of his attention, and follows the motion of tucking his hair behind his ear so buzen can try to see his face]
But if it is, then of course I want to give it to you…?
But what's he supposed to do, not give Buzen his full attention?? He lifts his gaze from the floor as Buzen tucks hair behind his ear, watching him for a quiet second or two and willing his heart not to stop. He thinks he can feel another nosebleed coming... SAVE HIM FROM BUZEN...
Because he isn't going to save himself, damn. Whoever is out there is doing so much work for both of them.
Actually that's a lie he'll try to save himself a little bit.]
I know you would. I can't ask for too much from you...
[BUZEN GIVES TOO FREELY AND HE'D TAKE TOO READILY.]
the only way matsui really could've saved himself from this outcome is if he just outright said that he did not want attention. because buzen is replaying the conversation in his head just to make sure, and all it sounds like is that matsui isn't letting himself ask for something he'd actually like to have -
but in the end, he does want it.
so buzen just laughs a little bit, and even though he does better with others who readily make requests of him and his attention - he thinks that he'll still try just as hard to listen to matsui's unspoken requests. so buzen isn't quite as rough about it as rang, if only because the motion is unfamiliar to him, but he does take the general guidance of it to lean in and close the distance between his mouth and matsui's. kiss.
and then i guess he also nips lightly at his bottom lip, because that's also what he fucking learned from rang, everyone remember yaywon did this. b. bite.
the words that leave him next are almost murmured against matsui's lips with how little buzen pulls back]
That's how it feels, anyway. Even such a comparatively small gesture like a gentle, careful kiss (and fucking BITE, RANG!!!!! YOU BITCH BUT ALSO THANKS) is enough to overwhelm him with his own feelings of adoration and affection and love for Buzen. He's feeling so tenderhearted in this moment that it does something that not even Catholicism itself can do: it lets him shove his M tendencies to the backburner and not ask for a harder bite that draws blood. Incredible...]
Buzen...
[His mouth is still so close that he can feel their lips brush together when he speaks. He may be able to shove away his M tendencies, but he can't shove away his Buzen greed, which has truly just worsened so phenomenally over the span of just a couple of weeks.
Meaning after a second of hesitation, he takes the initiative to lean forward a little so he can give Buzen a lil kissy in return. He doesn't bite, because he doesn't trust himself to not become transparent Matsui on the calm down square.]
[NOT THE TRANSPARENT MATSUI ON THE CALM DOWN SQUARE
also
“a couple of weeks” it has been exactly one week and a half, it has not even been two full weeks stop extending time to justify matsui’s buzen greed.
not that buzen thinks that it’s something that needs to be justified! okay! he’s a little surprised by the kissy in return, but he will take it as a good sign? the way that he doesn’t even realize kisses are necessarily romantic, it just seems like something matsui likes. so he will happily give it to him, leaning in and kissing back.
he won’t even bite this time! because matsui did not bite. wow monkey see monkey do. though his hand does move from where it was tucked behind matsui’s ear to just cradle the back of his head so buzen can keep him in place for another kissy, a little firmer now because he thinks that’s the right thing to do? he’s still guessing.
but he also thinks it’s fine to try to figure it out, and matsui will learn with him as they try something new.]
[STOP I EXTEND TIME TO JUSTIFY MATSUI'S BUZEN GREED OTHERWISE IT'S JUST TOO SAD. HE IS SO FUCKING BAD AT NOT BEING BUZEN GREEDY. RIP Kotegiri wherever you are in the void, you're being forgotten by Matsui...
Truly in this moment he's only thinking about Buzen, which is only a slight deviation from what's usual for him, so it's fine, probably. A kiss isn't even a necessarily romantic gesture to him, either, but it's a display of closeness and connection and some type of love that he's greatly enjoying. IN THE HOUSE OF GOD.
He isn't fussy about learning this together with Buzen, in any case, because why would he be? He isn't as adventurous when left to his own devices, but he loves Buzen so much that he'd accompany him anywhere, spend all the time in the world with him doing whatever he'd want. He tilts his head a little, trying to find a comfortable angle that lets him stay close. His hands move, touching Buzen's shoulders in a featherlight, almost uncertain way before looping over them to hold him close.
His resolve also lasts .2 seconds and he allows himself a very small bite, as a treat. In the house of god.]
the way buzen's brain is working so hard in all of this to try to figure out how to make matsui happy. kissing? ok that seems to be good. biting? also solid. closeness? sure! it's impressive that he lasts this long in his little measured, careful little steps because he's so conscientious of matsui at all times.
but then he gets bitten back! and there is, unfortunately, still a fight or fight response when it comes to buzen. it's not quite the same level that makes him tackle matsui right back on instinct, but he truly would've bitten rang in return if the other hadn't just walked away.
matsui though? matsui's still here. so buzen will just make a soft noise - somewhere between surprised and curious - before he presses their mouths together again harder, and then bites matsui back. also harder. in the same moment that his arm loops around matsui's waist to encourage him closer still. will matsui end up going on buzen's lap in the house of god.
buzen went so slow for so long and then now he's like ???? fast???? 0 to 100???/]
[TH. FUCKIN G HELP. THIS IS A NIGHTMARE. MATSUI IS ABSOLUTELY GOING TO END UP ON BUZEN'S LAP IN THE HOUSE OF GOD!!!! What's he supposed to do, not move closer when he's being pulled in?? IMPOSSIBLE. So he's just going to climb on up and make himself comfortable instead, as his PAPERTHIN CATHOLICISM STEADILY LOSES IN THIS WAR. It is by the thinnest strand of self control that he doesn't demand Buzen bite him until he bleeds on the spot. THE THINNEST STRAND. Unfortunately, his dokis about being bitten harder are still obvious in his fast pulse and the little sound of delight he makes. Terrible.
But because Buzen isn't dealing with his M, he'll have to deal with his S instead, in that Matsui very gently pulls Buzen's lower lip between his teeth after he's done biting and bites it in return with a sharp cuspid. It may be hard enough to draw a little blood.]
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It isn't your fault.
[Said immediately because he would never fault sweet perfect beautiful stupid Buzen for anything, especially not something that is clearly RANG'S FAULT!!!! Truly the Kaveh Matsui hating Rang alliance.]
...I'm sorry, too. I didn't mean to react in such a way...
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[so an impromptu scuffle is actually perfectly okay with this hot-blooded jock. but if matsui is going to scoot over and rest against him, then what can he do besides immediately bring a hand up around him to pet his hair?]
... hey Matsu, if I were to ask what's wrong...
[then
would he get an answer?]
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[Maybe he's only saying this because he feels guilty for fucking SUPLEXING BUZEN OUT OF NOWHERE and wrestling with him in front of god and satan. Glad his stupid jock self didn't mind it, though. Buzen is truly such a simple creature.
As for the unfinished question, though...
Well. Even if he's not looking, Buzen will be able to feel Matsui's head move against him in what feels like a clear headshake.]
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buzen lets matsui get away with so much. even now, there is a part of him that wants to. it is the part that lets him be quiet for a long moment after that clear headshake, as if he's just willing to let the conversation be done there. they can sit in this pew in the cathedral as the sun sets, and just take in each other's company.
it's just -
before, when matsui went quiet, buzen could at least have an idea of what he was thinking about. he knows matsui's history as well as he knows the history of every other gou. he knows how hard it can be for matsui to talk about it and doesn't push - but at least he has a guess at what the root of it all is.
right now, he feels like he doesn't understand anything.
it's maybe a minute late, when he finally says softly:] I worry sometimes.
That I'm not taking care of you the right way... if there's still so much I don't understand.
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So it's a little surprising to him when the silence is broken, especially late as it is. He blinks, looking over, and there's some distress in his expression. The last thing he ever wants to do is make Buzen worry, or - worse yet - feel inadequate in any way. The thought is preposterous to him. Buzen may upset him sometimes, but that doesn't mean he finds Buzen lacking in any way. Especially not when he knows a lot of the distance is his own fault.]
...Please don't worry about something like that, Buzen. No one understands me better than you.
[EXCEPT THAT MYSTERY SECOND PERSON APPARENTLY.]
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but the more time that it's just the two of them and buzen finds himself befuddled in a way that he can't explain or find the cause of, he wonders if maybe he's still got more to work on?]
Right, I guess so. [they have their shared history so that's probably still true! he knows a lot about matsui. and yet - ]
... but there's something I'm missing, right? Even I can tell. [because his eq is better than his iq, and he can stare at this big void in the face even if he can't make out the shape or color of it] And if it's something really painful, then I don't want to make you talk about it.
I just... hope I can figure it out.
[even without matsui telling him, even if it's just buzen putting the pieces together on his own to try to cross that gap if matsui won't lower a bridge for him]
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For a few moments, he isn't even sure what to say. Rather, he isn't even sure where to begin verbalizing what he thinks he wants to say. It's a hopeless task.]
I'm... ["Sorry" doesn't feel like it cuts it here, honestly. His fingers flex a little.] ...It's--
[...He really can't do it, huh. Quietly, almost shamefully:]
...I... don't wish to talk about it.
[So he's going to run, like he always does.]
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the attempt, and then the fall. if he listens closely enough, catching the notes of shame and uncertainty, then he's pretty sure he can find the exact moment where matsui gives up. and buzen is quick afterward, to turn just so that he can take matsui into his arms, and bow his head in closer.]
... like I said, everyone has things they don't want to talk about. I'm not mad at you for having the same problems anyone else would. We're still learning about these bodies and feelings, right? We're allowed to take our time.
[because they are hundreds of years old. they have these bodies that are newer than even the youngest human here.]
... Thanks. For trying.
[because he heard the little cut off sentiment.]
Even if you didn't get to finish, you started. And... it already means a lot that you care enough, to start. I'll still be here, whenever you learn how to find the end.
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He feels like he could cry. He doesn't. He rarely ever does. But he really, really feels like he could. He hides himself away in Buzen's arms like it's a sanctuary greater than the cathedral, or like it's something he actually deserves to have.]
...I want to get there. For you.
[He wants to apologize and say "thank you" at the same time, and try to explain why this is all so difficult, but since he can't... Well. He can at least vocalize one of his intentions.]
I'll keep trying.
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... I don't think that something has to be complete to be worthwhile. I think there's still something special in the attempt.
[it's the same way that buzen doesn't think only finished castles should be considered worthwhile in history. what about the drafts of poems that get discarded, or the swords that are lost along the way? it doesn't have to be complete to be important.]
I believe in you, Matsu. I think you can do it. But at the same time... even if you get halfway - I'll be running from the other side, and meet you in the middle.
[and he'll lean his head down to nestle his face against matsui's, affectionate and steady]
None of this is anything you have to do alone. I'll be right here.
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He can at least allow himself the selfishness of being close to Buzen, though. Even if he can't find the words to bridge that specific distance, he very much does feel cherished and loved when he's held like this. It's one thing he doesn't mind about their human bodies.]
I know... I know that you will be.
[But he doesn't give his mind too much space or time to dwell on it, because he'll just fall into a fuckin mire of depression otherwise and he's already given Buzen so much to suffer through today, damn. He tilts his head a little, turning into Buzen's face, the resulting motion a little like a cuddle.]
I hope that I didn't worry you overly-much, though. I just-- needed a moment.
[He's had his moment he's fine and normal now.]
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[what can he say to that without lying? he doesn't want to make matsui feel worse, and yet he can't say that he wasn't worried. while there is a brief motion like a cuddle, buzen will just mirror it naturally and take that time to think as he nuzzles into matsui's cheek. if matsui will take an inch, then buzen will give him about a hundred miles.]
It's hard to explain... It's okay that you needed a moment, and you should definitely tell me when I need to back off so I don't bother you.
[but?]
Guess I just took it for granted, though - that you'd always want to be with me. [buzen doesn't ask for attention much? and yet, he always gets it. maybe he was the spoiled one.] So it was a little confusing to not know when it was okay to approach you...
It's really hard for me to leave you alone... I never want to. [then, a little stupidly:] Ehh, maybe I'm clingy...
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He immediately reaches up so his arms are hooked behind Buzen's back so he can hold onto him tightly, as if that'll punctuate his following point even better.]
I would rather you be here even in moments like that. I don't want to be without you, so please don't feel like that's the case.
[Even when he's running away from Buzen, he's not really running from Buzen... Foolish.]
...It's something that will pass. It was unexpected for me, but I feel like I'll be able to react better if anything happens again.
[If Rang KISSES HIS BUZEN IN FRONT OF HIS SALAD AGAIN.]
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[just
as a thought
but buzen thinks about a conversation that he has with someone else before being able to locate matsui, and just finds himself asking - ]
The thing that happened - is that kind of attention something you want too, Matsu?
[does
does matsui want a kissbite]
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Except before he can say anything about it, Buzen just DROPS THAT. Just DROPS THAT IN FRONT OF GOD AND SATAN!!
He's just pulling away enough to look at Buzen like he needs to see with his own two eyes that his perfect beautiful Buzen just asked him this with his perfect beautiful mouth.]
—Hah?
[YOU CAN'T JUST ASK YOUR LOCAL M IF HE WANTS A KISSBITE.]
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he looks back at matsui but there is a barely there pink on the arch of his cheeks.]
… I got it wrong…? I wasn’t sure - but…
[ ??????? ]
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He barely even notices the faint pink of Buzen's cheeks which is truly saying something since that's blood there, but it's because his eyes dart away and happen to land on a saintly statue. HE HATES IT HERE. He immediately looks to the floor instead, god can't see him if he can't see god.]
...I... [Shaking his stupid jumbled head.] You just surprised me. I wasn't expecting you to ask...
[NOW OR EVER.]
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[but. given that yesterday he discovered that matsui likes being?? bitten??? and someone today walked buzen through the basic logic of “maybe someone who is used to having all your attention doesn’t like seeing you share it” he attempted to put 2 and 2 together.
it might have worked actually? even tho he’s still watching matsui with a little bit of confusion.
he runs his fingers through matsui’s hair to try to reclaim some of his attention, and follows the motion of tucking his hair behind his ear so buzen can try to see his face]
But if it is, then of course I want to give it to you…?
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But what's he supposed to do, not give Buzen his full attention?? He lifts his gaze from the floor as Buzen tucks hair behind his ear, watching him for a quiet second or two and willing his heart not to stop. He thinks he can feel another nosebleed coming... SAVE HIM FROM BUZEN...
Because he isn't going to save himself, damn. Whoever is out there is doing so much work for both of them.
Actually that's a lie he'll try to save himself a little bit.]
I know you would. I can't ask for too much from you...
[BUZEN GIVES TOO FREELY AND HE'D TAKE TOO READILY.]
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the only way matsui really could've saved himself from this outcome is if he just outright said that he did not want attention. because buzen is replaying the conversation in his head just to make sure, and all it sounds like is that matsui isn't letting himself ask for something he'd actually like to have -
but in the end, he does want it.
so buzen just laughs a little bit, and even though he does better with others who readily make requests of him and his attention - he thinks that he'll still try just as hard to listen to matsui's unspoken requests. so buzen isn't quite as rough about it as rang, if only because the motion is unfamiliar to him, but he does take the general guidance of it to lean in and close the distance between his mouth and matsui's. kiss.
and then i guess he also nips lightly at his bottom lip, because that's also what he fucking learned from rang, everyone remember yaywon did this. b. bite.
the words that leave him next are almost murmured against matsui's lips with how little buzen pulls back]
Okay. Then you don't have to ask.
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That's how it feels, anyway. Even such a comparatively small gesture like a gentle, careful kiss (and fucking BITE, RANG!!!!! YOU BITCH BUT ALSO THANKS) is enough to overwhelm him with his own feelings of adoration and affection and love for Buzen. He's feeling so tenderhearted in this moment that it does something that not even Catholicism itself can do: it lets him shove his M tendencies to the backburner and not ask for a harder bite that draws blood. Incredible...]
Buzen...
[His mouth is still so close that he can feel their lips brush together when he speaks. He may be able to shove away his M tendencies, but he can't shove away his Buzen greed, which has truly just worsened so phenomenally over the span of just a couple of weeks.
Meaning after a second of hesitation, he takes the initiative to lean forward a little so he can give Buzen a lil kissy in return. He doesn't bite, because he doesn't trust himself to not become transparent Matsui on the calm down square.]
no subject
also
“a couple of weeks” it has been exactly one week and a half, it has not even been two full weeks stop extending time to justify matsui’s buzen greed.
not that buzen thinks that it’s something that needs to be justified! okay! he’s a little surprised by the kissy in return, but he will take it as a good sign? the way that he doesn’t even realize kisses are necessarily romantic, it just seems like something matsui likes. so he will happily give it to him, leaning in and kissing back.
he won’t even bite this time! because matsui did not bite. wow monkey see monkey do. though his hand does move from where it was tucked behind matsui’s ear to just cradle the back of his head so buzen can keep him in place for another kissy, a little firmer now because he thinks that’s the right thing to do? he’s still guessing.
but he also thinks it’s fine to try to figure it out, and matsui will learn with him as they try something new.]
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Truly in this moment he's only thinking about Buzen, which is only a slight deviation from what's usual for him, so it's fine, probably. A kiss isn't even a necessarily romantic gesture to him, either, but it's a display of closeness and connection and some type of love that he's greatly enjoying. IN THE HOUSE OF GOD.
He isn't fussy about learning this together with Buzen, in any case, because why would he be? He isn't as adventurous when left to his own devices, but he loves Buzen so much that he'd accompany him anywhere, spend all the time in the world with him doing whatever he'd want. He tilts his head a little, trying to find a comfortable angle that lets him stay close. His hands move, touching Buzen's shoulders in a featherlight, almost uncertain way before looping over them to hold him close.
His resolve also lasts .2 seconds and he allows himself a very small bite, as a treat. In the house of god.]
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the way buzen's brain is working so hard in all of this to try to figure out how to make matsui happy. kissing? ok that seems to be good. biting? also solid. closeness? sure! it's impressive that he lasts this long in his little measured, careful little steps because he's so conscientious of matsui at all times.
but then he gets bitten back! and there is, unfortunately, still a fight or fight response when it comes to buzen. it's not quite the same level that makes him tackle matsui right back on instinct, but he truly would've bitten rang in return if the other hadn't just walked away.
matsui though? matsui's still here. so buzen will just make a soft noise - somewhere between surprised and curious - before he presses their mouths together again harder, and then bites matsui back. also harder. in the same moment that his arm loops around matsui's waist to encourage him closer still. will matsui end up going on buzen's lap in the house of god.
buzen went so slow for so long and then now he's like ???? fast???? 0 to 100???/]
1/2,
But because Buzen isn't dealing with his M, he'll have to deal with his S instead, in that Matsui very gently pulls Buzen's lower lip between his teeth after he's done biting and bites it in return with a sharp cuspid. It may be hard enough to draw a little blood.]
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